STRANGER; 낯선 사람 - taekook; vmin

10. what a heavenly way to die

There was no one that could push me to my limits quite like Jimin. I had always been a peaceful guy, always resolved my anger through non-destructive mechanisms, but after so many years by his side, he had what I like to call the Jimin Effect. A mere look of disdain had my heart beating fast, hurtful and intentional words had the fists that I never learned how to use properly swinging aimlessly in the air. He absolutely loved to see me lose control over him, whether it be because of his body on me or stirring my brain until I'm not myself anymore ㅡ he wanted whatever he could get. Even after understanding that, I still couldn't help acting the way that I did.

It was all true. I had begun to despise him for what he'd done to me, for the feelings he caused me. But perhaps what we became to each other was far worse. We were blind to each other's feelings, I could not see or understand how much I'd hurt him ㅡ the hows, whys, whens completely escaping from me. I could no longer blame him for the result of years of unresolved feelings, so I decided to put a stop to it. Reaching that conclusion was hard in itself, Hell, it took us more than ten years to speak openly to each other and even now, it's not all sincere. There's too much pride involved, we were nurturing something that was no longer love. I had a nemesis for a best friend and a lover.

We were obsessed with each other. This rotten love has to end before it kills us from inside out.

It surely hurt enough to make me cry. It was the first time that I cried for him. I cried for the little boy I met that no longer exists, for what we could be if we had been more honest, more responsible with each other's feelings. There is no spring that can melt away my snowy days.

And so she came another time, alongside the lunar new year, heating up our afternoons and evenings. Spring. Everchanging my surroundings, but never my core.

I received a phone call right after the lunar new year that confused me. It was Seokjin on the line, he had disappeared for a while because of wedding preparations.

"Taehyungie! Are you not speaking to Jimin again?" He asked in all casualness.

I cleared my throat and deeply furrowed my eyebrows, surprised by the sudden question. "Well... I wouldn't put it that way. Why?"

"Oh it's nothing, he mentioned something but wouldn't give too many details. I'm sorting some things out for the wedding", he continued and began rambling on about the preparations, seeming a lot more excited for the wedding than I thought he would be. I had always seen him as a ladies' man, so having him so excited to become someone's husband was a sight I'd never dream to see. It suits him well.

Omma helped me choose a suit to wear for the occasion because the one I still had no longer fit me, I got it in my early twenties and that skinny man was buried long ago. She seemed pretty excited about it, because, as she pointed out, my friend's marriage means that I'm closer to marriage as well. I made sure to not get her hopes up and said 'can't marry if there's no bride'.

"Why would there be no bride?" Her eyes widened as though she had seen a ghost.

"'Cause Ye-ji won't marry me", I teased her endless innuendos about Ye-ji and I dating.

She clicked her tongue against her teeth and slapped my arm, refocusing her attention on the bowtie I was trying.

"I look like a child", I said as I analyzed myself in the tall mirror. The black suit fit me well, but it was rather boring and common, since it didn't accentuate my skin tone, and as I turned around, it didn't do my silhouette any favors. Alongside the childish bowtie omma had picked up for me, this was certainly not the best I could do.

She laughed at me checking my butt through the mirror. "What?" I asked, she ignored me.

I ended up choosing something that was the complete opposite of what she advised, and not even buying a tie. She complained in the car, asking why would I even invite her if I wasn't going to listen to her. I never listen to her, she says, and I ignored it in order to keep myself out of an unnecessary argument. We could at least agree on one thing: jajangmyeon.