To My Future Cheating Husband

XXIX. Couendship

I can't believe a guy like him exists.

Someone who can easily find fault about themselves on their own.

It's incredible.

"I can't accept your feelings because I'm not ready," I said. I smile softly despite the trembling hands, "If we were to start something right now, my heart wouldn't be in it fully, and that's not fair for you, Eli."

Eli exhales softly before he places his hands on top of mine. "Then, can we start something else?"

"What?"

His grip tightens, "How about we don't date. But, I don't see anyone, and you don't see anyone either?"

Isn't that...being in a relationship?

"Hear me out," he said. "We aren't in a relationship."

I nod slowly.

"And we're still friends."

I nod even slower.

"But, we happen to be very close friends who don't see other people."

Amid the silence, I burst out laughing, "Do you hear what's coming out of your mouth?"

Eli nods, "Yeah. My foot."

"Situationship," I said.

He tilts his head, "What?"

"It's a term for people who are more than friends but not in a committed relationship."

"That ugly, uncomfortable grey space has a term now?"

I nod, "Yeah."

His face scrunches, "I don't like the sound of that. It sounds weird."

"Reflecting the situation."

"Okay. No. I'm going to make a new term." He stroked his chin, "We are in a couendship."

I don't need to look in a mirror to know my face is ugly.

"Okay. Maybe not."

We laugh simultaneously.

"Come on," he said. "Let's go before your brother comes hunting for us." Eli isn't wrong. We've been gone too long for it to be considered normal.

Bitter cold and dry - those are the two words that describe our current weather. I step into the piling snow and pull the coat closer to my body.

Eli circle until he was in front of me. He unravels his scarf and wraps it around my neck. I remember that I still have his other scarf hanging inside my closet.

Eli smiles softly before he grabs my gloved hand. "Maybe, a situationship isn't so bad." His hot breath lingers in the air. "There is something I want to say."

"What is it?"

"If you like someone else, can you please tell me?" I stop walking and look at him. Eli scratches his nose with his gloved hand, "I don't know how a situationship works, but I'm assuming commitment isn't included."

Eli sniffed, lowering his cold chin into the opening of his jacket. His eyes would waiver towards me, but then it cast away.

Insecurities.

"We are not in a committed relationship." There's no point in lying or fibbing. "But, I won't be seeing anyone else." I released his hand and made my way towards the movie theater.

"Wait. Wait!" Eli screams. "Can I get that in writing?!"

With each breath I took, the discomfort inside my chest disappeared more and more until it evaporated into the cold air. Outside may be cold, but somehow I felt warm.

Is this it?

Is this how genuine emotions feel like?

Inside, the theater was a lot quieter, and the scent of popcorn seems to be a lot stronger. Everyone was immersed in the movie of their choosing, and I watched as a couple walked out of one room. "Let's go in there. I think the movie just started," the guy whispered.

"We didn't pay for that movie," the girl whispered back.

A mischievous smile appeared on his face. "Come on. You wanted to watch this movie too, didn't you?"

The girl squeals but quickly stops. "Alright, let's go."

He grabbed her hand and led her into the theater.

Young love - so naive, so immature, but always so beautiful.

My parents would often warn me of heartaches and heartbreaks that come with love. But, I remember a time when I would be eager to experience it.

Perhaps, I was more interested in the idea of falling in love than being in love.

But now everything has changed. With the years held on my back, I understand it's importance. With a new love, you must make an effort to fully heal first, to do the inner work that is required to become a whole person first - again.

Otherwise, you'll only lash at the new love, an endless compare and contrast of new and old.

I remember it.

How Dr.Cordova often says: "We can only be ourselves and accountable for ourselves."

Hold accountable for your own actions.

When I feel a warm pair of arms wrapped around me, I allow the heat to soak into my bones. "What do you think you're doing?"

I can feel the smile at the croak of my neck, "Testing my limitation."

"You're the type of guy who will leap a mile after someone gives you an inch. Aren't you?"

He chuckles, "You're wrong." His body only got hotter. "I'm the type who leaps three miles." Before I can respond, Eli tilts his head forward and smacks a kiss on my cheek.

"You-"

"Come on. They're waiting." He drags me into the theater room.

I'm not confident about the decisions I made today. Hell. I'm not even sure what type of decision I just made. I didn't think, and autopilot took over. Before my brain could fully digest the situation, Eli had already invaded my space.

Once we were inside the dark theater, up the stairs, and passed the people. We reached our seats. Trevon and Mina look at us. Without control, my hand pulls away from Eli. Their eyes went back to the movie.

My action is definitely suspicious.

I remove the coat and the double layer scarves. I forgot Eli's scarf is around me. I shouldn't be conscious of all these matters, but somehow, I am. I stared at the movie only to feel Eli's arm around my shoulders. I pull away. He grabs my shoulder and pushes me into his chest.

I don't have to look at his face to know there's a smug smile.

I punch his stomach.

He only held my hand in return.

When I looked to my left, the couple was staring at us. Instantly, they look away.

I need to tell Trevon.

Mina's eyes went back toward us, and she gave me an awkward smile.

Definitely before her.