I wasn't quite sure how long I stayed out there, but eventually, I found myself in the castle's throne room, my puffy eyes on the eyesore that was my throne. My cheeks were no doubt as red and blotchy as my eyes, and every inch of me felt drained and wore out. Hell, I was surprised I was even standing with how drained I was. And to be honest...I wasn't even sure why I had even come here, out of all the rooms in my castle.
Maybe it was because I wasn't ready to face Jox yet. No, I was scared to face him. I didn't know what to even say to him, or even how to approach him with this unforgiving news. I just didn't know what the hell to do, and I've never felt more useless in my life than I did now, while it was all falling apart.
I sighed and tore my gaze away from my throne and looked at my large hands, not really knowing where to go from here. I smiled bitterly to myself.
And to think I started out my day in such a good mood. I should have known it wouldn't have lasted long.
I dropped my hands to my sides and slunk down on the floor, hanging my head between my legs as I just sat there in the stretching, uncomfortable silence. I was going to be miserable being married to Emylle. And it wasn't even her fault, either I just...I wasn't even physically attracted to her, and I doubted I would ever see her in that way. She didn't deserve that. She deserved to be with someone who would actually care about her and be with her romantically. Besides, she shouldn't have to be tied to a man who was in love with someone else, it just wasn't right.
"Oh, there you are! I've been searching for you all day today, and...hey, are you alright?"
I flinched at the sound of Jox's voice, my heart beating faster as dread filled in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't ready to face him yet. Dammit, I deliberately wanted to be away from him until I was able to gather my thoughts together. Hell, what was I going to say to him? Why did he have to show up now, while I was completely unprepared?
I tensed when I felt a cool hand on my shoulder and a body kneel next to mine. "Are you ok, Delkele? What's wrong? Please, talk to me."
And dammit, I couldn't stop the tears that abruptly spilled down my cheeks, my heart clenching painfully at his worried tone. Jox was worried about me. He was worried and I was about to break his heart. But...I-I knew Jox would one day find another to give his heart to. He was handsome, and sweet, and kind...and whoever eventually won his heart, well, they would be lucky to have him.
I just wished that it could have been me.
A few seconds later, although it felt much longer than that, I turned to face him. He looked so damn worried for me, with his brows pinched together, and those blue eyes glittering with concern. My heart pinched in agony, and I had to look away from him to keep from crying again. Gods, I was such a cry baby.
"I-I came to a realization today," I started off quietly, staring at my hands, "about us. About whatever this is. Delra's already approached me, and-"
Jox pulled his hand from my shoulder, and when I looked at him, he was staring at the floor with a troubled look on his face. "I think I know where this conversation is going," he muttered, exhaling a humorless laugh as he shook his head in disbelief. "You're choosing Emylle over me."
I glared at him as a sudden burst of heat hit me. "I'm choosing my people Jox! Innocent men, women and children who shouldn't have to suffer because of my selfish desires. Naraka isn't like Glacida, Jox, we don't have stacks of treaties with planets that can aid us in battle. We're all we have."
Jox shook his head and my heart split in two when I saw the tears forming in his eyes. "You have us, Delkele. You have Asurah, and you have Teiken,"
