She occupies my head ever since I saw her for the first time.
I met her during the Belgian Grand Prix. I swear I've never seen a girl so fine. I almost felt like the ground shook beneath my legs when I spotted her in a short floral red dress - casually walking through the busy paddock full of people with her friend, giving smiles to every passerby. She clearly wasn't famous, but I could tell everyone lay their eyes on her. God, she was stunning. I almost felt like the colour red belonged to her. After seeing her, the colour red was no longer for Ferrari. It was for her.
Passing her, I could hear her velvet voice. Her French made me weak in the knees, leaving me wishing I had paid more attention during my French lessons at school. I even felt kinda abashed because I hopelessly wanted to understand her. My cheeks turned into the colour of her dress immediately after she smiled at me. Her friend just quickly glanced at me, but she, she couldn't turn away, and when our eyes first caught onto each other, it made my heart stop for a split second.
She probably got tons of guys tryna hit her line. I didn't want to be one of those guys that are gonna throw themselves at her, so I just passed her calmly like she was nobody, or at least I tried to pretend that. I didn't turn around. I just kept walking away, wondering if I would have another chance to meet her.
The lack of knowledge about this woman drove me crazy. I was pissed off on myself. Who was she to change my opinions so quickly? Who was she to make my heart skip the beat? I was torturing myself with these questions.
But I couldn't help myself. The next day I eventually got the courage to approach her. She accepted my invitation for a date and then for another and another. I was the luckiest man on earth.
I didn't want to fall in love so easily, but it was 4 am, and we were laughing way too hard, and I felt happy for the first time in a long time. I married her with my eyes and soul on that night in London. I married her with my heart and every future dream. I saw all of her, the joys, and the sorrows, and I knew I was home.
I loved the days when we weren't thinking about everything, and all we did was laugh over each other's stupidity.
I think no one's ever loved me the way she did. She used to tell me that I don't have to be strong all the time and I'm allowed to be wrong. It was something I desperately needed. I was punishing myself for every mistake, but she showed me it's normal and human. She made me fall in love with myself again.
I remember I was once so angry at myself for something I couldn't even influence, and she just said: "you spend your entire life in your head, make sure it's a comfortable place, Lan" and I have a feeling that statement is gonna stick with me for rest of my life. She was the only thing that made my head a comfortable place.
She was an "everything girl." She was smart, funny, pretty, sporty, and emotionally warm. She was the kind of person who made you proud to exist as a human. She was the collection of kindness, gratitude, and respect. I think she was my angel. She always knew what to say to make me feel better, to made me a better human.
My mum was so in love with her. She always wished I would find kind and pure love, and I did. I would fall for her, again and again, without any doubts.
But she wasn't perfect. Nobody is.
She wasn't the easiest girl to love because of this awful habit of overthinking, she tended to overreact more than she should, and she got a little insecure occasionally. She wasn't capable of fully trusting me, she didn't know when to stop fighting with me even if she was wrong, and she had no problem pushing me away if she felt like I'm close to hurt her. She was needy for my attention, she wanted to take up all of my time, and she required a lot of reassurance.
Loving her meant I got to see her at her worst and most vulnerable, and that is something that I had to be strong enough to handle because she needed someone patient enough to understand why she was who she was. It wasn't an easy relationship with her, but the fact she was in love with me... I was loved with such passion and intensity that I forgot what life felt before she came along because she'd always be here to put my heart back together after breaking it. No one's ever loved me like that.
Maybe she wasn't the best at being loved, but she was pretty amazing at loving.
♥︎daily reminder♥︎
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