It was a Tuesday night during a winter break, so Lando was obviously streaming. You saw his smile on the screen of your phone. He was so close and yet so far away. He was literally in the next room, but it didn't feel like that.
A couple of last days, it wasn't ideal. Well, it may have seemed, but you were about to break down almost every day, so you just waited for the day it would all come out.
You missed Lando a lot during the season since you couldn't travel with him because of uni. You thought that everything would get better during winter break, but pretty much the opposite happened. He was still busy with sim work, training, meetings in Mclaren and when he had free time, he spent it streaming or just playing with the boys. You were fine with him being busy due to his work, but you were rather disappointed that he didn't make time for you when he had nothing else to do. At a certain point, you even started to feel like streaming or playing games was more important than you. You got that feeling that you were living more next to him than with him. You desperately tried not to let these emotions out because you didn't want to be that needy girlfriend, but it was eating you from the inside.
The more you were thinking about it, the more you wanted to leave. You were lucky since the last train to London hadn't left yet. So you quickly got dressed and left Lando's house. You didn't even bother to leave any note behind. You said to yourself that you'd text him when you got home since you knew Lando wouldn't notice that you were gone. You felt kinda guilty for running away, but everything seemed overwhelming to you. You just needed some time alone to get yourself back together.
When you got home, you turned on his stream. He was still playing CoD with Max and Connor, so he hadn't noticed that you were gone. You quickly texted him that you left and you're home now. When he got your text, he got up immediately and left his stream. You were surprised by his action. At this point, you were expecting that he would reply with a simple "OK". It didn't take long before your phone began to ring.
"Why did you leave? Why wouldn't you tell me something? Was it because I was streaming that long?" He bombarded you with questions, and you could tell from the tone of his voice that he was agitated.
"I didn't want to disturb you. I would need to leave the next morning early anyway, so I figured out that it would be better if I leave," you lied quietly to the phone. You didn't need to be anywhere in the morning, but what else you should tell?
"Are you out of your mind? You figured out that it would be better to go alone home at fucking eleven in the night?" He was screaming on the phone. Since you had his stream opened on your laptop, you could hear his words twice. From your phone but also his stream. At that moment, his chat went crazy.
"Could you possibly be less loud or go downstairs? People on your stream can hear you," you said annoyedly. Your relationship wasn't still official since you didn't want any attention on you. You heard how he whispered for himself 'fuck'. "And no, I'm not out of my mind. Nothing happened to me. I'm safe and sound."
"Yeah, you were lucky this time. You don't even know how pissed off I'm right now," he muttered.
"I'm sorry." And there you were again apologising for something. Because whenever something went wrong, you were the one to blame. Lando just mumbled quietly 'yeah' and ended the call. You didn't even bother to watch his stream anymore since he was annoyed.
The next day you made your way to your uni and survived one long lesson in cognitive psychology. You were surprised when you saw Lando's car in a parking lot. You quickly got in before anyone could see it.
"Hey, I thought you had some meeting at MTC today," you said drily without even looking at him. No kiss or hug as a greeting.
"I rescheduled it," he answered. He looked tired. His hair was messier than usual there was no smile on his lips. An oversized hoodie made him look smaller than he actually was, and you got the impression that he would like to disappear.
"You didn't have to do that." Why was he here? That question bothered you.
"Come on. Something's clearly wrong, and I want to know what it is. You just need to talk to me. You always shut down, and I don't know how to fix things then." The sorrow in his voice was clearly hearable, and you started to feel bad because of that.
"Oh, now you wanna talk and fix things?" You asked him in disbelief.
"Now? So this all is about me being busy recently? Look, I'm sorry, but I thought I made it clear from the beginning that I'm gonna be busy."
"It isn't about your work. Do you remember the last time we had an evening just for us? Because I don't. Also, I don't complain when you're doing your sim work or so... but I'm sick of being so lonely." Lonely. That was exactly how you felt. You were lonely by his side.
"You don't have to be lonely. I just need you to talk with me. I need to know when something's down or when you want me for yourself. I missed our time together as well, but you were just so cold and emotionally unavailable, so I was hurt by the fact that you didn't let me in... and I don't know, I thought maybe you needed some time for yourself. I know how much of an introvert you're, and I didn't want to burst your bubble." The tone of his voice was dreadful. You didn't even notice that you were so cold towards him. The lack of moments together was both-sided. You always struggled with communication. You didn't know how to express your feelings properly, and you also didn't want to end up whining about something. Why won't you ever say what you want to say?
"I'm sorry, I didn't realise that I was acting so cold. I love you, love you, love you," you were mumbling in his neck when you climbed onto his lap. So there you were, hugging your boyfriend tightly in his car in the parking lot. How romantic.
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