Finding You

Chapter 35 - Critical

"I'm still in the middle of getting ready actually," she says, more to herself than to me. "Hey, Mia, Can this wait?" She doesn't even notice that there's something wrong. I'm not doing a very good job of hiding my emotions either, she's just not listening.

And who could blame her? She's in love.

"Well, I -," I begin, my voice cracking.

"Crap, he's here early..," she says, cutting me off. "I'll talk to you later, alright?" she finishes before hanging up.

Here's the thing.

I kind of have this overwhelming fear that everyone I know, besides my family, is just using me. Even my friends, sometimes I'm scared that they don't even really like me. Well, more than sometimes. More like, I'm terrified of it all the time. It haunts me.

Every time I'm sitting at home on the weekends with nothing to do. Every time I'm left alone at lunch. Every time I'm not invited to the plans people make.

It terrifies me that I might not really have friends, just people who keep me around because it's convenient for them. People who use me.

Naturally, this fear is magnified when something like this happens.

I guess it's really my fault though because, I let them. I think I'm scared that if I don't, then no one will even bother with me, and I'll truly be alone.

Normally, this wouldn't such an issue. I mean, I mean people need help, and most of the time, I don't mind being the one who helps them.

But the problem is, after I'm done helping them, it seems like they cast me aside. They don't need me anymore.

Sort of like Sean did. I was his first "real" relationship, and then once he got a little more confidence, a little more experience, he ditched me for someone better.

I try to make things better for people, I try to be there for people. Then the second everything is fixed, they don't need me anymore, and they're gone.

I help them, and I think this makes us friends, but I'm wrong. Every time, I'm wrong.

And I hate it.

Nevertheless, besides my family, there have only ever been two people I can count on. Since elementary school, they've been like family to me, and maybe they're the ones I need right now.

*******************************

I hear the front doorbell ring as I pull my blanket around me tighter. "It's open!" I say, hopefully loud enough that they can hear me.

I hear footsteps, and then Zack and Jay burst into my room, not even bothering to knock.

Zack has a basketball in his hand and Jay is carrying an extra pair of shoes. Guess I interrupted their plans. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"You should really lock your door," Zack says. "So what's up? You sounded like something was wrong on the pho - " He looks at me and pauses. "Mia, were you crying?"

I glance up at them, and I know they see how red my eyes are by the expressions on their faces. "Yeah," I say quietly, letting out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

The way they're looking at me, I can't hold back any longer. All the restraint I was using to stay calm until they got here is gone, and I start to cry all over again.

Zack drops his basketball, Jay drops his shoes, and in an instant, they're both right by my side. Just like they've always been.

**************************