Finding You

Chapter 15 - I Guess We're Both Insane

I can't tell them. It would disappoint them so much, and they'd never forgive me. They'd never trust me again, and the thought of losing their trust... I don't know how I'd even face them after that.

I don't want to lose Sean, but I just can't keep lying to them.

Maybe, I should just try talking to Sean. He says he loves me, right? He'll understand. He'll get how this whole thing has been making me feel, and we can figure something out together.

Maybe he'll even agree to finally meet my parents, or something. I'm sure that would go a long way. Maybe if they knew him, like I do, maybe they'd consider letting me see him.

Yeah, we'll figure something out together.

*****

"Anyway, that's what's been going on," I say.

I've just finished explaining to Sean exactly what things have been like for me for the past few months, and honestly, it feels so good to get it off my chest.

"Wow," he says, an expression on his face that I can't seem to read. "That sounds pretty bad."

"I know," I say, with a sigh, leaning my head in my hand. "I know, I've been so stressed about it. It feels good to finally say it out loud. So, what do you think?"

"I think I must be missing something," he replies, eyebrows furrowed. "Why can't you just keep lying?"

I sit up, taken aback.

Clearly, there's been some kind of misunderstanding.

"What do you mean? I just told you why," I explain. "The guilt is killing me, and I really can't keep -"

"Well, I get that," he says, cutting me off, "but I can't date a girl who can't actually date."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask as panic begins to rise in my chest. My lungs start to feel heavy, like there's a weight to them that's pulling me down, that won't let me breathe. "I mean, that's why I'm talking to you. So we can figure something out that doesn't involve us not dating."

"Well, you're not really giving me a ton of options here, Mia."

His tone is starting to take on that hostile quality that it always does when he's about to argue with me. Normally, I'd pull back, back down to avoid the fight, but this time, something in me bucks up against it.

"There is an option," I say. "You could just meet my parents like I should've made you do months ago. They might be more open to letting me see you if they knew you."

At my words, he pulls away from me, like I'm sick with something and he doesn't want to catch it.

"Woah, meet your parents?" he says. "I mean, that's kind of serious, isn't it? What do you expect me to do? Hang out with your family?"

"Well, yeah, sometimes!" I reply, my frustration boiling over. "I mean, is that the craziest thing in the world? Also, I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that we were kind of serious."

"Yeah, so was I," he says. "And yet you're not willing to keep lying to see me."

"Because it's making me feel terrible inside," I stress. "Do you really want a girlfriend who never fully enjoys being with you because she's looking over her shoulder the whole time?"

"What I don't want is a girlfriend who can't actually go out with me."

I shake my head. "You're not even trying to figure out how we could fix this."