MY YEARS WITHOUT YOU

Part 62- The long wait 💔

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One whole week!

That's how long I had to wait to see Nathan again and to confirm my greatest fear.

I just wanted him to look me in the eye and say that everything Kelvin said was made up.

I had never doubted Nathan's innocence and I hated what kelvin's words were doing to me.

Why would he want to turn my mind against Nathan?

I kept questioning myself until I got to the waiting room where I sat in fear.

The doors opened as the inmates came in and so did my heart begin to race in fear.

Seeing Nath was something I always looked forward to, but this time, I was scared and uncertain.

"Hey" he said wearing a smile on his face like he didn't pass through hell in the past week.

"Hey, you are alright?" I asked, my eyes still filled with concern for him.

"Yes I am" he smiled again as he sat down and reached for my hand like he would always do.

I swallowed hard as I avoided his eyes.

"Your friend told me what happened" I said ,not looking at him.

"Yes, I told him to. But everything is okay now. I'm far from trouble" he assured.

I looked him in the eyes and his smile reached his eyes.

I was trying to read what his eyes were saying but they had nothing in them.

"When were you going to tell me the truth?" I questioned , my eyes fixed on his with my heart racing fast in my chest.

"What truth?" He asked confused as expected .

"That you lied to me" I spoke tears forming.

"What's this about? I've never lied to you about anything Amara" he said trying to understand.

"Never?" I questioned.

"Yes never" he answered in uncertainty.

"You still look me in the eyes and say that to me" I was already in tears.

I needed assurance from Nathan , but maybe I had already believed Kelvin from the onset.

"Amara, what are you talking about?" He said ,his voice breaking as he tried to reach for my hands.

I broke free.

"You made me look like a fool, believing that you are not guilty. But you lied to me on and on . Year after year!" I said in between tears.

I didn't care if I was creating attention, I wanted to hear him talk.

"What are you talking about Amara? I'm not guilty?" He spoke ,but his eyes gave him away.

I saw it!

"You liar!!" I spoke angrily.

"How come I didn't see it all these years? What did you take me for Nathan? A puppet, a joke that you could lie to on and on?" I cried.

"I loved you, I never doubted you for once." I cried on.

"Babe!" He called slowly , his eyes red.

"Don't call me that" I screamed.

His face fell as he looked around.

He was more concerned about the attention than about clarifying himself?

"I didn't mean to carry it this far" he finally spoke, trying to be as soothing as possible.

"I meant to tell you, but I couldn't live with the fear of loosing you to someone else" he said ,tears forming in his eyes.

Those tears would have melted me few years back, but I was too hurt now to be worried about them.

"I couldn't have you see me as a criminal or see me as a different person from the Nathan Amah you've always known. " He spoke.

"And so you lied to me, year after year?. What other lies have you told? Go on, tell me. Are you sure you haven't lied on and on about loving me?" I questioned in anger.

"No,no, Amara that's not true" he pleaded.

"Oh, it's actually not true" I cried.

"That's not what I meant!" He screamed at me.

"I couldn't have you leave me for another man. You would have left if I had told you the truth. No one wants to be associated with a criminal and you wouldn't be an exception!" He screamed in my face.

Was he really turning the tables?

"Why do you think I waited this long Nathan?" I asked pained in my heart.

He looked away from me.

He didn't seem like he was going to answer.

"You would have long gone to be with another woman. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have waited this long. Do you know all I had to go through?. The pain and taunts from everybody. I did it all alone!!" I was screaming but I didn't care.

For some reason, no one was coming towards us .
Our story seemed so interesting that I could feel the silence each time we went silent.

"How could you?" I asked .

"I'm sorry" he tried to say.

"Spare me that!! You are sorry because I found out? Would you have been sorry if I didn't?"

"You would have been on with how much you love me and how much you want to make it up to me when you are finally out, but it's all a lie!!" I screamed.

"I never lied about that Amara" he said, his fair skin turning red as he spoke.

"Believe me, I never did " he uttered still trying to hold me.

I looked at him with mixed feelings.

Disgust, pity, sadness, love.

Did I say love?

I couldn't tell if I was still in love with the man sitting next to me.

"I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else, I wanted to be with you and you alone. But right now, I don't even know you. I don't know what to think" I said.

He held my hand and his eyes pleaded.

"I loved you Nathan" I cried.

"Loved?" He questioned confused.

"Because right now, I don't even know what I feel towards you. But I know one thing for sure" I said my eyes clouded with tears.

"I never want to see your face again. Watch me leave because this is the last time you would ever set your eyes on me. Not even while you are still here, not even when you get out" I said breaking free from his grip.

"Amara!, Amara!" I heard him call out , but I didn't want to look back.

I was scared that he would make me melt and fall in love with his broken being all over again.

I didn't think he would do this to me , at least not this long.

I might be clouded with anger and hate , but that strong feeling of love and pity still lingered.

And I knew that letting him go would be impossible, because he was the only one I've ever loved.

But now, I wanted to try.

All I can say is Chai!💔

What would be your reaction if you're in Amara's shoes?

Forgive him and move on, or just throw all these years in the trash?