roompartners

-e i g h t-

SPENCER

He hadn't meant to hurt him. He didn't even want Blake to see him, talk to him, or notice his existence. It would've been so much easier if he hated him like everyone else.

But he didn't.

For some strange reason, Blake Sandell did not hate him.

And while that thought made his heart flutter, it also made him want to scream, explode, rip out his hair, and cry. Blake was just so kind. He was Spencer's polar opposite. He had done nothing to earn his kindness, he'd just been given the luck of having him as a roommate. Thank god it was him instead of anyone else.

Spencer had been given years of time to train himself to hate and ignore everyone around him. He just kept to himself and pushed on, numb to the hatred that was thrown at him. It was just so hard to hate Blake, the way he kept persisting at being his friend. God, he was like a fucking golden retriever, always there and smiley. And Spencer had made him cry. Multiple times.

At that moment, Spencer realized he himself was crying. He then stood up and began the long walk back to the room that he shared with Blake.

Fuck, why did he care about him? What could Blake possibly see in him to make him care? No matter how much Spencer pushed him away, he kept coming back and trying. Trying. Trying to make Spencer laugh, or trying to make him show him around, or trying to get to know him, or trying to cheer him up. It had been so long since anyone had tried anything with Spencer. They'd all just given up.

He was numb to the cold as he walked back. It nipped at his exposed skin, but he didn't even notice- he was too lost in his thoughts. Thoughts of how stupid he had been two nights ago, crying, letting Blake see his damaged face. Now he was going to ask questions. That never ended well. That was, however, if Blake would still even look at him. Spencer didn't care that he was crying, didn't notice the looks everyone was giving him, because no one had been able to penetrate his wall of indifference until Blake. He now entered the boy's dorm building, trudging up the stairs to his room. He stopped at the door, key in knob, ready to open. Spencer was nervous. He didn't want Blake to hate him anymore. He brushed the tears off of his face and out of his eyes and opened the door.

Blake lay in his bed, wrapped in blankets and on his phone. When Spencer opened the door, he shot him a glare of pure anger. However, anger was better than hatred. He hadn't even expected Blake to look at him. Spencer slowly sat at the end of Blake's bed, staring at his hands in his lap.

"I..." he began, then cleared his throat once he heard the shakiness in his own voice. "I didn't mean to hurt you." Blake didn't react, at all. He just stared at his phone, Spencer couldn't even tell if he was listening. Is that how he looked to everyone else? Walking the school, feigning indifference, listening to no one- is that how people saw him?

"Blake, I'm sorry," he muttered, looking back down. Suddenly, he couldn't hold himself in anymore. "Fuck, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want you to see me that night 'cause I didn't want you to care about me. I just... fuck- I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so used to no one caring I don't know how to let someone care for me. Fuck, it's been years since anyone gave a shit about me. I just- I don't know how to care or let someone care, but then you came along, and fuck- it's only been a week!- and all you do is care. And Jesus, I don't deserve it, I don't understand it, but I really fucking need it I think, I don't know, fuck! But Blake, please don't hate me. I fucked up. I was scared to face you and I hid, and I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me, Blake, ple-" Spencer's own tears interrupted him and he couldn't even speak. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Suddenly, Blake's arms were around him, pulling him against him and under the blankets.

"Shh, it's okay. I don't hate you, I could never hate you. It's okay. Shh, shh," Blake cooed, pressing his face against Spencer's neck and head.

"I'm sorry," Spencer whimpers, pushing himself closer to Blake. At this moment, he didn't care what happened next, he just needed Blake, now.

"It's okay, Spencer. Shh, it's okay," Blake whispers, wrapping himself more tightly around him. He holds his arms around his chest and stomach, holding Spencer's own arms against him. Spencer hadn't slept in hours. He couldn't make himself go back to his room last night, he'd been so scared to face Blake. Sleep sounded quite nice right now, and he'd never felt more safe. He let his eyes slowly close, and fell into slumber. It was gonna be okay.

•••••

    "...and for fuck's sake, Blake, you haven't even been here for a week, and you're-"

    "Marcy, shh, you're going to wake him up!" Spencer drowsily forced his eyes open, unsure of what was currently happening. Then he remembered where he was and the events prior to his slumber. He was coddled in blankets, his head resting on Blake's chest. Both of their arms were a mess with one another, he couldn't tell were Blake stopped and he began.

It was easily the safest he'd felt since Dale. In fact, it may have been the best feeling in the world. That's why he had to move.

    "What's going on?" He slurred, his voice still groggy from sleep. He reluctantly pushed himself away from Blake, who pouted at him in reply. As if he wants anything to do with me.

    "Blake hasn't shown up for his classes all day, like an idiot! He just started here, and..." rambled Marcy. She was probably one of the only people tolerated at this school, but they really got on his nerves sometimes.

Plus, he wasn't paying attention to her, and neither was Blake. They were communicating through stares, oblivious to Marcy's presence. It scared Spencer how well he could read Blake's eyes, but he knew exactly what he was begging. Please don't pretend none of this happened like you did last time. He didn't know why he cared, but he didn't mind in the slightest. Instead of replying with his gaze, he simply collapsed back on top of Blake, burying his face in his warmth.