Si solo fueras mía
I was listening to EXO D.O's voice while singing in his album Empathy specifically to the song "Si Fueras Mía" a song in Spanish language.
🎶🎶Cada día amaneces en mis brazos
Te despierto con besitos de amor
Qué bueno lo tenemos tú y yo
Y te canto las cansiones que te gustan
Cada letra que yo escribo es para ti
Pero yo solo te conozco en mi sueños mi amor
Si solamente fueras mía
Los lugares que te llevaria
Para verte feliz y verte sonreír
No hay nada que no haria
Te daria todo el mundo en un segundo
Si solo fueras mía🎶🎶
While listening to his soothing soft melodic voice, pakiramdam ko dinuduyan ako. But at the same time, it feels nostalgic. Hindi ko man maintindihan ng buo ang kinakanta nya since Spanish ang song, I can feel it in his angelic voice. Naramdaman ko yung sakit at the same time yung sarap ng pakiramdam pag nagmahal ka. Ramdam na ramdam ko yung kanta na sa sobrang pagkalunod ko sa pagkanta nya ay biglang sumagi sa isip ko ang isang tao. Isang taong mas nagpatindi ng nararamdaman kong sakit. I never thought that in just one thought of him could heighten the nostalgia, could heighten this nostalgic feeling I have.
Mahal ko si Pyxis and he felt the same. But do you know what's funny? Is that we cant be together. Hindi namin pwedeng ipaglaban ang nararamdaman, for it would be an unforgivable sin.
We had a relationship before for over 3 years, way back in our high school times. Pero nagkahiwalay kami dahil pilit kaming pinaghiwalay ng mga magulang namin. Yeah both parties don't approve our relationship kahit pa tumagal na ito ng tatlong taon. I was forced to marry someone I don't love.
Years later, nagkita ulit kami. Only to see those eyes hurting from seeing his beloved being in another man's arm. Chained by that freaking marriage that I never ever wanted. And it's too painful to see that sight, yung hinintay nya ako ng kahit gaano katagal even without the assurance na may babalik pa sa kanya.
"Te amo, mi amor. Te amo" he whispered. Tears starts to form at the corner of my eyes with his words. He has been hurt too much because of me, and he is still hurting until now. Gusto ko syang yakapin at sabihin na mahal ko din sya pero hindi ko na pwedeng gawin, I dont want him to be a sinful man.
"Please Pyxis tama na. Itigil mo na ang nararamdaman mo kasi hindi na pwede. Hindi na tama. Ayokong saktan ka pa, kaya please tama na Pyxis" pigil ang sariling umiyak na saad ko. I cant help my tears from falling but I have to stop it. I still love him but I have to let him go, and I want him to let me go as well.
"Hindi mo na ba ako mahal? Wala na ba? Sya na ba?" he asked while crying.
"Yeah" I lied. Wala akong ibang mahal kundi si Pyxis lang, pero hindi na pwede. Kailangan ko syang saktan para tuluyan na nya akong bitawan.
"Kaya please tama na, masasaktan ka lang kung ipagpapatuloy mo pa to" pakiusap ko sa kanya.
Parang gusto kong palakpakan ang sarili ko sa sinabi. I feel like I'm a good actress, pwede na yata akong bumida sa isang teleserye eh. Gusto kong tumigil na sya, but I dont know if I myself could do it as well. Hindi ko rin alam kasi mahal na mahal ko pa rin sya.
"Pero nasasaktan na ako Luna, at masasaktan pa ako kasi mahal na mahal kita eh. Ikaw lang mula noon ang hanggang ngayon, at sigurado akong hindi ko na kayang magmahal pa ng iba"
Gusto ko nang umiyak sa sakit, habang tinititigan ko sya na ang mga luha ay malayang humahalik sa pisngi nya mula sa kanyang mga mata. Ang sakit, para akong pinapatay sa sobrang sakit, dinudurog ng pinong pino.
"Pero kung yun ang gusto mo, segi susubukan ko. Pero hindi ko maipapangako kasi mahal kita eh, mahal na mahal" he paused to grasp some air.
"Pwede bang bago kita tuluyang bitawan, may hihilingin muna ako" tumango ako
"Can I have one last dance with you my love?" he asked while extending his hands trying to reach mine.
Tinanggap ko naman. May kinalikot sya sa cellphone at pinatugtog. It was a Spanish song pero damang dama ko yung pagmamahal kasabay ng sakit. Kasabay ng bawat marahang galaw namin ay ang pagbulusok ng sakit na pilit kong nilalabanan, kahit pa nagbabadya na ang mga luha ko.
🎶🎶 No quiero despertarme de este sueño
Eres tu la razón de mi existir
En tus ojos me ahogo y no hay salvación
Si solamente fueras mía
Los lugares que te llevaria
Para verte feliz y verte sonreír
No hay nada que no haria
Te daria todo el mundo en un segundo
Si solo fueras mía🎶🎶
"Si solo fueras mía (if only you were mine)" he whispered then slowly let go of my hand.
"Walk now my love, dont look back. I'm finally letting you go but it doesn't mean that I dont love you anymore. Mahal na mahal pa rin kita pero ginagawa ko ang gusto mo, ang palayain ka. I'm setting you free my love" and with that words coming from his mouth with all those tears on his cheeks. I turned my back at him and started to walk away.
Tuluyan nang bumagsak ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Hindi ko na sya nilingon pa kasi alam kong makikita ko lang ang sakit sa mga mata nya ngayon.
___
Pinahid ko ang mga luhang humahalik sa pisngi ko.
"Si solo fueras mía" I whispered those words to the air. Those words that I've heard the man that I loved the most, the man that i dont want to let go but i have to.
'Pyxis, you dont need to say that if only I was yours, for in the first place I am yours. Only yours. Kaya lang sa sitwasyon natin ngayon hindi na pwede pa. I have to let you go as well as you have to let me go. But always remember that my heart was yours always and forever my Pyxis'.
