Mending Her Soul

Seventeen

"Close your eyes. Take a deep breathe for five seconds. Yes. Right. Now hold your breathe for 10 seconds. Good. Now slowly leave it in 5 seconds. Yes. Now again repeat this cycle for two more times, bhabhi. Breathe, hold and leave." Navya instructed Nandini. They were doing breathing exercise and after that councilling session.

Manik wasn't present there as per Navya's strict warning. His presence may have distracted Nandini or she would hesitate to open up about anything. Navya didn't want that. She wanted to know each and everything going inside Nandini's head at present. Then only she would be able to help her out of this. And after convincing Manik about same, he agreed.

"Ok. Now take a deep breathe for 5 seconds. Make a balloon face and leave a breathe as if you are blowing candle. Slowly slowly. Yes. You're doing right. Continue doing it for 2 more times, bhabhi." Instructed Navya. Nandini did as she was being told.

"Good. Now breathe normal for 10 seconds. Yes. Now take a deep breathe and leave it making buzzy bee sound. Don't open mouth at all. Concentrate on your breathing. Yes. Make this buzzy bee sound for 5 times. It will create positive vibrations in your brain and you will feel relax." Said Navya. Nandini did as Navya said. After completing it, Nandini rubbed her hands with each other and moved them on her face. Opening her eyes slowly, she looked at Navya who smiled at her warmly.

"How are you feeling, Bhabhi?"

"Fresh and energetic." Said Nandini smiling at Navya. Navya nodded.

"That's great. Now we are all good to talk. So tell me bhabhi. How are you?" Asked Navya chirping. Nandini giggled.

"Navya! I am all fit and fine. Sitting infront of you. Doing exercise and yoga." Navya smiled at her answer and shook her head.

"That's your physical health. I am talking about your mental health, bhabhi. How are you mentally feeling?" Nandini's face paled a bit which Navya noticed.

"Navya.. I am fine mentally too." Mewed Nandini. Navya smiled.

"I am a counselor and I understand people looking at their faces. You're lieing, bhabhi." Said Navya. Nandini sighed.

"Navya please.."

"Bhabhi, you have to open up. Think me as your bestest friend. Share everything you feel. Cry, shout, scream do whatever you feel like. I won't stop you. But don't supress. It will trouble your brain and it can trigger another seizure attack. I assure you that whatever you will do or share, it will be remain between us. Always. That's my promise." Said Navya. Nandini let out a shaky breathe.

"Honestly, I don't know what I feel. It's so complicated. You know all history of mine. You know how my mother behaved. But now, since I have returned from hospital. I feel like she is changed. She wants me back in her life. She shows her care through papa but I know all her gestures. I know that it's hurting her thinking her own daughter hates her. Hate? Hate is a very big word, Navya. I don't hate her. I never did. Even after facing worst, I just couldn't. I always craved for her. Her love and care. But I never got. When I entered in this house, Niyo mumma fulfilled my those cravings. She become the mother I wanted. Now when I have stopped expecting anything from my mother, she has realized her mistake and want to rectify it. But it's too late. Now I don't want her love or care. I don't want anything from her. Still.. still it hurts to hurt her. Because I went through the same phrase from 20 years. I don't want her to feel that loneliness, that feeling of being left out. But at the same time, I don't want her to do anything for me. I don't want to see her guilt ridden sorry face. It makes me remember my sufferings. Those moments. I don't want to keep any expectations from her again. I fear it will be crushed again. I fear to go close to her yet I don't want to make her suffer alone. What should I do, Navya? Why it is so complicated?" Navya gave Nandini a small smile who had moist eyes.