l'osservatore della bellezza | wolfstar

[author's note]

see, i'm not evil, of course i wouldn't kill off sirius (okay, i definitely might have done- actually i had four or five different endings and trust me, killing off sirius wasn't the worst one. however at the last moment, i realised i just loved them too much to do that to them, and i think we all generally read fanfiction to feel happy, right? to imagine a different world for characters who deserved better, so yeah, in the end, i gave them their happy ending. i'm a reader too, after all).

so.

it's finally over.

...i genuinely cannot believe it.

i started writing this fanfic back in february 2020, planning to make it short and sweet and fluffy, kind of like a filler for time, and had hoped to finish it just before summer that same year so that i could go on to write a much bigger fanfic.

...yeah, that plan went out the fucking window.

this fic was both a light for me to follow and the bane of my existence during lockdown. i remember the stress i felt as weeks, even months went by without me updating, and i became obsessed with the number of reads and votes, to the point where i unpublished it because i honestly thought that my writing abilities had peaked with my first fic, 'a beautiful world' (which looking back is a wholesome piece of trash, but trash all the same. i still love it though haha).

despite the anxiety, when i was actively writing i felt freed. i spent ages fantasising how each chapter would go, what descriptions i'd use, how i would end the story (i reiterate, even to the last moment i didn't know what i would end up doing). and once i got past the pressure i was putting on myself, and decided that worrying over it was pointless because i wasn't enjoying myself anymore, i realised that this book matters more to me than anything i've ever created before.

italy has always been a soft spot for me, despite the fact i've only visited once. when you're there, you can feel the romance and beauty and history and culture; it manages to make its way to the very core of you. obviously it isn't a perfect country, far from it, but i think that's true of everything. everything has good sides and bad sides, and there's a harmony between the two. i know i sound a lot like remus right now, but shhhhhhhhh-

besides the setting, i love art and poetry, i love the renaissance, i love wolfstar, and i love... love. so this fic is basically everything i adore mushed into one massive cake - what's not to like?

it was extremely difficult to write, what with covid and writer's block and then my gcses, not to mention personal problems and my journey with self-love (and boy what a hell of a trip that was, but i've been doing very well for many many months now, so all is good). despite all that, i finished. i finished. i actually finished the thing. maybe if i say it enough times i'll be able to believe it.

of course, i couldn't write an author's note without thanking anybody.

the first person i want to thank is my editor, and one of my best friends, FanOfWayTooMuch. she has been editing this fic since october 2020, and without her kindness, support, dedication, criticism, enthusiasm, brilliance, and love, this book would not be what it is today. because of her, i improved as a writer in more ways than i can imagine. for every chapter she told me she adored, and more importantly for every chapter she told me to rewrite (and thank fuck she did), i give her my endless love.

i cannot express how thankful i am to her for what she's done for me. i could tell her a million times and it still wouldn't be enough.

secondly, i want to thank the people following this story. the 'dear reader' i was writing for. you stuck with me, and stuck with the characters, for a very long time, and that means more than i can ever really say (you'd think that being a writer would make me better with words, yet here we are). if not for you, i don't think i would have finished this book at all. so for your support and love, here is my affection.

in the end, i am only grateful. grateful to have written this, grateful to my readers, grateful to my editor. i'm grateful to wolfstar for existing, because it allowed me to write this book, and that's just incredible to me.

i know it's not perfect, nowhere near, but do you know what? i think that's okay. it doesn't need to be perfect. i just need to love it, and i do. i really, really do.

it'll be strange not writing this anymore. it's like my baby at this point, one that i've lovingly watched grow and change, and now i'm sending it off. i don't know where i'm sending it off to, exactly, but that's how it feels. into the wilderness? sure, let's go with that.

i'll really miss it, i think. i already miss it.

well, that's all i have to say. thank you once more, and i hope to see you all again someday, at the beginning of another story. i don't know if i'll write another wolfstar fanfic, but i sincerely hope i do. and if i do, i hope you all are there with me.

i love you all dearly, and will forever look back on this journey we undertook together with incomprehensible fondness.

~ potato