maple syrup | remus lupin [1]

62. you promised

Because Claudia was convinced Burden would be a better name for her than Claudia at this point.

So, she woke up, ate something that wasn't pancakes and golden syrup, went to class, studied, and then spent the night staring at the ceiling as she thought too much for her own well-being.

She couldn't forget about him, not for a second. And, in all honesty, Remus couldn't forget about her either.

When she wasn't watching, he found his eyes watching her. He had noticed how her eye bags were a little darker, her face a little paler and her eyes a little less alive.

He had seen it before years ago, and he could only think about how much he was hurting her at the same time as he was trying to protect her.

That morning, exactly 33 days after he had last spoken to her, Claudia caught him staring during lunch. And, much to her surprise, he didn't look away instantly like he had the few times she had caught him before.

On this day, Claudia saw something different in his eyes. It was...sadness.

He didn't look angry, not at all. In fact, anger was one of the last emotions his face showed. Remus looked plain miserable.

He had the same look of being lost on his face that Claudia had worn for weeks, and it caused her breath to hitch in her throat.

Because Remus looked like he was longing for her and hating his own guts, rather than hating hers.

He looked like that because it was just the way he felt. Sure, he was angry at her for hating werewolves, but at the same time he just wanted to hold her and kiss her and apologise and tell her just how much he loved her.

If only he wasn't a fucking werewolf.

Remus had always had an undeniable hatred for himself for being a werewolf. His condition tormented him, and the way other people saw werewolves only made it all worse.

And, he had always understood people when they were prejudiced against him and his kind; but the moment the girl he loved seemed to have these values he couldn't help but to be angry.

He didn't know if he was angry at her, himself, all the other werewolves, or the world; but he was angry.

Angry that she would hate him.

Angry that he was never going to be free of his lycanthropy.

Angry that he couldn't have her because she could never love him as much as he loved her.

But she did. So much. And, as she finally got a look of change from him, she couldn't help but to feel a little less anxious.

But, that immediately changed as she met eyes with Sirius, who wasn't for a second attempting to hide his glare.

So, she got up and left the hall to go to potions without glaring back at him.

•••

Claudia thanked Merlin that she was paired with Lily in potions and no one else.

Because, firstly, she had missed the girl to death and now things seemed to be going back to normal with her again. And, secondly, that meant that she was not paired with any of the boys, who would be incredibly rude if it had happened, or any of the other girls, who would continue to pity her.

Sure, Claudia was a mess. She was angry at the Marauders for not even letting her know what they were angry at her for, and she was missing them all to death at the same time.