Red vs blue (Female OC) season 5

Brass tacks

Fade in to Church and Shawn talking with Sister

Church: Well uh, welcome to Blue Team. I guess we should probably give you uh, some kind of orientation or somethin' like that. So this is the uh, this is the base here. This is the outside of the base. ...Inside's on the inside... go through that door, right there, get to the inside. Um, there's a ramp over here, there's another one on the other side. It's kinda smaller, does the same thing though. Uh, it's got a basement, ...nuhm, there's a middle part 'n' there's a top part... got some, you know blue flags here, on the outside, come in handy when you're, you know, tryin' to identify the colour of the base, it's blue. Anyway, that uh pretty much covers the base, so... anyway, yeah, that's it.

Shawn: Lamest introduction, ever.

Sister: Cool.

Church: I'm Church, I'm the leader. Everybody looks up to me. Pretty much the only rule for rookies on the Blue Team is: don't kill the leader. That's me.

Shawn: That's only Caboose. I'm Shawn Ortez, I'm the demolition expert.

Sister: That's it?

Church: That's it.

Sister: Sounds easy.

Church: Yeah well, we're still waiting for someone to follow that rule. So anyway, uh tell me about yourself. What's your training?

Sister: Training?

Church: Yeah. What've you been told so far?

Sister: Oh right. That's the base, and you're the leader, and I shouldn't kill you. Ever. ...Did I pass?

Church: No, I mean like what kind of military training do you have. Weapons?

Sister: Uh, those sound violent.

Church: Operations?

Sister: I don't even know how that works.

Church: Communications.

Sister: Say what?

Church: Huhhhh, intelligence?

Sister: Uhhh, huh?

Church: Hhh, great.

Sister: Yeah, sorry, doesn't sound like I have any of the skills you need. Unless you wanna see my ping pong ball trick.

Church: Yeah... wait, what?

Shawn: I knew it, she's mentally retarded.

Cut to Grif, Thea and Simmons running from right to left

Grif: Slow down!

Simmons: There's no time, Sarge is gone! We was digging a hole, and We kept digging, but there was no Sarge, and then finally I dug deep enough, and I found another hole.

Grif: You dug a hole, and found a hole. Isn't that what a hole is?

Simmons: No no no, I mean a hole at the bottom. It opened in to some kind of, big cavern.

Thea: I bet it leads to a cave.

Grif stops running, Simmons and Thea noticed and stops with him to look at him.

Grif: A cavern? A cavern like a cave? Like a cave with bats?

Simmons: I don't know, why, are you afraid of bats or something?

Grif: Afraid of bats, no. Why would I be afraid of bats? And why would you even ask that question? Were there bats or something? That's kind of a weird thing to ask just for no reason.

Thea: Jeez. I'm afraid of the dark and yet you don't hear me complain.

Simmons: I didn't see any bats, okay?

Grif: Did you hear any bats?

Simmons: No.

Grif: Did you smell any bats.

Thea: No.

Simmons: I don't know what bats smell like!

Grif: And let's hope you never find out. Is it getting dark? We should get inside.

Simmons: It hasn't gotten dark here in three freaking years, asshole.

Thea: If it makes you feel better, I can check with my TACPAD. I have a new feature on it that I want to try out.

Cut back to Church, Shawn and Sister, now joined by Tucker and his mutant baby

Church: And this, is Tucker.

Tucker: Sup.

Sister: Hey.

Church: Tucker's job is to do... what, I guess nothing.

Shawn: My job is to blow things up.

Tucker: I'm just chillin'. That's the only rule on Blue Team, Rookie: be cool.

Sister: I thought the only rule was "don't kill the leader."

Tucker: Yeah, but we break that rule all the time. That's what makes us so cool.

Shawn: Only Caboose breaks that rule.

Sister: Awesome, on the Red Team, we make that rule-

Junior: 'Why does this human smell like a bunch of a males?'

Sister: Oh cool, you have a dog?

Tucker: Uh, that's not a dog, that's my kid.

Sister: Oh, cool, you have a kid that looks like a dog?

Church: Nice save.

Shawn: Smooth.

Cut briefly to Caboose exiting Blue Base toward the ramp

Church: Hey, you know what? I think I have the perfect tour guide for you. Hey Caboose, come here!

Sister: I thought about having a kid once.

Tucker: Oh really? It's a lot of work.

Sister: Yeah, it seems like it would be hard. But I thought, you know, who wants to be known as the girl who's had seven abortions?

Tucker: Heh, yeheah... wait, what?

Shawn: Awkward.

Church: Alright, this is Caboose. He can tell you everything you'd possibly need to know about Blue Base.

Caboose: Is she a mean girl like Tex, or a regular girl like Thea?

Church: Caboose, what did I tell you.

Caboose: That there are no regular girls.

Church: Exactly. Alright, so just stick with him, ask him any questions you have, aaand just don't bother me. Or Tucker.

Caboose: What do I tell her?

Sister: Well, I already know the rule.

Caboose: I hate that stupid rule.

Shawn: Because you break it on a regular basis.

Tucker: Go show her Doc and Sheila.

Caboose turns to look back toward Blue Base, where Doc and Sheila are hanging out

Caboose: The purple one is Doc, and the big one is Sheila.

Shawn: Good introduction for the useless medic and 50 ton tank.

A black figure is seen sneaking behind Church, Tucker, and Junior.

Church: You know, I was really wishing that would take longer. ...And further away.

Sister: Who's the black one?

Church: The black one?

Shawn: What?

Sister: Yeah, the one in the black armor? The one standing right behind you guys.

Caboose: The black one, yeah. ...Wait, what?

Shawn: Ah muffins!