Fade in to the Reds for Sarge's service
Simmons: Thea, would like to say anything about our beloved Sargent?
Thea: Oh come on! I didn't even want to do this! Please tell me your not serious about this Sarge?
Sarge: I am serious! Command never made a mistake before and it won't start today! Now get up there!
Thea: Fine! (To herself) For the love Sith.
Thea gets up there and starts talking in compassionate voice.
Thea: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the memory of Sargent Sarge of red team. He was a good leader, a role model and amazing with a shotgun. Even know we weren't that close, he was wise and caring about others (looks at Grif) some of us that is. He had crazy ideas but some of them worked, he made a Spanish speaking robot named Lopez that no one but me could understand and that robot became my friend. I guess you can say that I was proud to call Sarge my leader and my friend.
They all looked at her in shock while Sarge started crying.
Sarge: (Voice breaks and sniffles) That was the best speech I've ever heard, of all time!
Simmons: Who knew she could make good speech's.
Grif's sister: I'm turned on with this.
Grif: She always knew what to say.
Thea: (monotone) Okay, who's turn is it now?
Simmons: And now, Grif has asked to say a few things about our beloved Sarge.
Thea gets down and Grif's stands where she stood.
Thea: This'll be good.
Grif: Hey everybody, it's great to be here. Well, what can I say about a guy like Sarge. I mean besides, "good riddence." Hoooo.
Grif's Sister: Yeah-
Grif: But seriously, Sarge lived a great life. And now that he's dead, our lives are pretty good too. Zing! Hahahahaa, you know what I'm talking about.
Thea: That is the worst speech I've ever heard, of all time.
Sarge: Come on, is this a rememberance or a roast?
Grif: Quiet in the front row. And I'm not askin', and he's not tellin', but I heard when Donut first came to the base, Sarge spent a lot of time talkin' about glazed donut holes, if you know what I mean. Hiyoooo.
Simmons: Too soon!
Thea: Really too soon!
Grif: Hey now.
Sarge: This is the worst funeral I've ever had! You losers better step up the crying, pronto! Only Thea's made me cry!
Simmons: Oh, don't worry sir, I've written a stirring speech that's sure to tug at everyone's heartstrings.
Sarge: Good to hear it, now get with the eulogizing!
Thea: This is going to be bad.
Simmons runs up to the front.
Simmons: On it, sir.
Grif: And who could forget the time Sarge showed us all how to field strip Simmons'-
Simmons: Okay that's enough, I said five minutes, Grif.
Grif: Bye everybody, I'll be appearing at the Laugh Cavern every Tuesday. Ladies drink free.
Grif's Sister: Whoohoooo!
Grif: Not you!
Grif's Sister: Aw.
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Red vs blue (Female OC) season 5
FanfictionA ship crushed on Donut! Who is this mysterious pilot, Tuckers baby has been born and is causing trouble for everyone at blue base. O'Malley is gone and Tex is still missing, Shawn's shady past comes back to huant him. What holds in store for Thea n...
