Newtmas: Til Death do us Part

Chapter Eleven: Thomas

She tried so hard, hurt so many people and nothing even came out of it. Newt isn't here, and is probably dead because of the organization she worked for. She knew Newt wasn't immune. The realization came crashing down on me, and it was like I couldn't breathe. Teresa is dead. There is no cure. And Newt is gone. Not because of WICKED, but because of me. I was the one who pulled the trigger. "Thomas?" Someone asked, reaching out to me. But everything was blurry- so blurry, spinning me around so I felt sick. "Thomas!" Brenda. I think it was Brenda who was reaching out to me, but I couldn't tell. The world was coming down on me, and the only thing I wanted was Newt. But I had taken his life. I can't keep thinking he's alive. It will only bring me false hope.

"It's my fault.." I mumbled, and a sharp pain flashed against my check. "What the hell?" I asked. Brenda was looking down at me, fear written all over her face.

She spoke rapidly, "I'm sorry!" She bent down next to me, and examined my eyes. I was now painfully aware of my surroundings. Aris had stopped crying, and the only evidence was red, puffy eyes. People had started to come back into the tents, so almost ten people had witnessed my freak out. "Your eyes had rolled to the back of your head, you started talking strangely, so I reacted."

"By hitting me?" She looked like she was trying to stop laughing.

"It was the only thing I could think of!" She exclaimed, looking a little regretful. "And, it worked." She gestured wildly, as if trying to illustrate a point. She looked over where Aris had been, and her smile disappeared when she saw he was gone. Everyone had seemed to move on, she turned her attention back to me. Her joking attitude was gone, replaced with a stormy look of indifference. "What's your fault?" She whispered, helping me to my feet.

"What?" I asked, because at this point, I never know what's going on. Even though I now have my memories back, I feel like I'm a step behind.

"You kept saying it was your fault. What did you do?" The words cut like a knife. I wanted to speak, to tell her- to tell anyone- but nothing came out. "I did some bad stuff too." She said, breaking eye contact. Her eyes misted over. "All of it was worth it. After all, look at this place."

"It wasn't worth it. I... he..." The moment I said he, Brenda's grip on my hand loosened.

"Newt." She said, and by the look on her face, she knew what had happened. She squeezed my hand, encouraging me to keep going. But I saw Minho approaching, and I hope he didn't hear what I was saying.

"What about Newt?" Minho said. Damn it. Brenda nodded her head, telling me without words that it was time that he knew. Of course, he should have known the second I'd seen him. After all, Newt is his best friend. Was. I need to stop thinking about him like he could still be here.

"He loved you too much to ask. But me... he didn't remember me. He trusted me just the right amount." I spat out, speaking as quickly as I could. Like if I could get the words out fast they wouldn't hurt as much. "He begged me to kill him." The sentence laid there, like a loaded gun.

Shock appeared on his face, but quickly disappeared. "You didn't do it. Right?" I wanted so desperately to say no, that I didn't do it, that Newt could still be alive. But I pulled the trigger. Even though I didn't see it hit, I know it did. And no one can survive getting shot in the head. "Right?" Minho repeated desperately, searching my eyes. But I couldn't even look at him. People had started to gather around us, as if they could feel the emotions radiating off of us. I was feeling guilty, regret, and shame. I have no idea what Minho was feeling. "Newt's dead." He said to himself, and that's when Sonya darted into the room. The look on her face told me how much she had heard, which was pure grief. Moments after getting her brother back- or at least memories of her brother- he had been taken away. Maybe she had been holding out hope for her, waiting for a last chance to reunite. Maybe she had ignored what Brenda and Gally had said, pushed all the hope aside, and began to accept that he was gone. It didn't matter now. She knew that he was dead, not gone or missing. "Why would you do that?" Minho stormed. His angry tone sent shivers down my spine. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, because it felt like everything was going wrong. Minho seemed unfazed by my sadness, and the tears threatened to fall, and focused in on my face. I saw the punch coming. I didn't try to stop it. Cries rang out from around the tent, people rushing in to try to help. I staggered back, and walked right into a big rock. It was where people had put the names of people that couldn't be here today. Newt's name was on it. Minho grabbed my shirt, and threw me to the dirty ground. Blood started dripping off my lips, and it tastes tangy. He hit me again, this time a glancing blow to my eye. I didn't close it in time. And again. And again. I deserved it. I deserved it all and much more.

"Stop!" Gally shouted. Minho roared, winding up for another hit. This one might be it. "Minho-" Gally yelled again, this time pulling at Minho's arm. But his hand was already in motion, and Gally was thrown across the tent. His head hit the rock with a sickening crack and as he went limp, his eyes rolled to the back of his head.