Forgotten Love [Loki x reader] (Part 2)

Chapter 14

-- your POV --

He doesn't kiss back. He puts his hands on my waist and pushes me carefully away. I feel dump. I feel self-conscious. I feel ugly. I feel worthless. He doesn't want me.

-Loki: "Let's go back to the house." He says after a while of silence and avoiding eye contact.

-Y/n: "You can go, I'll stay a little longer." I turn away from him and swim further into the ocean.

-Loki: "Y/n, please." He sighs when he notices that I'm not stopping. "We should talk about this." He comes closer.

-Y/n: "There's nothing to talk about anymore. I know where I stand now and that's okay. Go on, go back into the house. I'll be there in a few minutes."

-Loki: "You're wrong," he puts his hand on my elbow and turns me around, "you have no idea where you stand. It's just... complicated."

-Y/n: "What's so complicated, Loki?" I ask annoyed.

-Loki: "Do you have an idea how guilty I'm feeling?" He looks kind of desperate.

-Y/n: "About what? You have nothing to feel guilty about!"

-Loki: "the night before we came here." He says silently and I almost couldn't understand him because of the waves.

-Y/n: "Why the hell do you feel guilty about that night? It was amazing and I'm not regretting it."

-Loki: "You weren't ready. If I wouldn't have been so selfish we wouldn't have fucked at all." And damn, he's right. I was about to go back into his room, just continuing to sleep or maybe read a book or something.

-Y/n: "You're Right About the fact that nothing would've happened if you didn't pull me back, but that doesn't mean that you're selfish or that I wasn't ready. I was throwing myself on you mere seconds ago and I wanted you."

-Loki: "You weren't ready. You might've not noticed it, but when I touched you on your belly, or your wrist, or when I put my hand next to your neck, you flinched slightly and I could see the horror in your eyes, even if it was just for a second. I am selfish, because even though I Saw all of that, I didn't stop. And when you told me to continue, I did. I shouldn't have continued. I should've stopped the second you first flinched. No. I shouldn't have touched you at all that evening."

Oh wow. I really didn't notice it. Did I really flinch? Everything felt just so good, but I can't remember all of it though. And I really wasn't myself and fully in control but I still don't regret it. Loki sighed.

-Loki: "I know it isn't your fault. You can't do anything against what that bastard did to you and that you flinch because it's your reflex. It's just- I don't know where I can touch you anymore without making you flinch or without bringing that horror in your eyes back. I want to make you feel good, make you forget, but how can I do that if I can't even touch you properly?"

I had to swallow. He cares more than I ever thought he would. Did he just bring me here because he felt guilty? Because he wanted to make me feel good without touching me? Is that, why he always watched me?

-Loki: "I don't want to be him and I don't want to make you think of him ever again. I want to treat you good, like a princess would be treated in Asgard. But I just don't know how without hurting you."

-Y/n: "Loki..." I swim closer to him, put my hand on his cheek and the other one on his shoulder. "I-," I sigh, "You did hurt me when you killed my father."

The hurt and guilt in his eyes almost kills me, but it's the truth and if we're having such a talk right now, he needs to hear it.

-Y/n: "But he never treated me good too. I remember, you know? I was five when father took me from my mother. She couldn't do anything about it, she was just a human, like me. Father trained me, trained me to be a machine, but I just never succeeded. Do you know why?"