Finding You

Chapter 2 - Just Keep It PG, Alright?

"Well, you know, because the boys are coming back from their basketball tournament trip today, and since you and Sean-"

"Okay, that's enough. I get it," I say, cutting her off. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. He's basically dead to me after what he did, and I plan on acting like it." With that, I close my locker, being careful not to slam it, and begin walking to our classroom for first period.

"Alright, if you say so," she says, following after me, "but you know I'm here for you if you need to talk."

I let out a short laugh at her words and turn to her with a smile. "Sure you are," I say, and she raises an eyebrow at me. "Come on, you know you're going to be too excited to care with Alex coming back."

Her mouth falls open. "That is so not true!" she says, already blushing pretty heavily.

I laugh. "Whatever. I bet you two won't even make it through half the day without attacking each other's faces," I reply. "Just keep it PG, alright? There are freshmen around."

Ah, to live in the world of the perfect couple.

Alexander and Rose have been going out for a few months now. They've only been official for about a week, but they're already super cute together. Like seriously, honeymoon phase in love. More than Sean and I ever were, to be honest.

Still, it makes me really happy to know that my friend has found a guy who treats her right and so far, seems pretty perfect for her.

One of us should find that at least.

Of course, under the current circumstances, it's not my favorite thing in the world to have to hang around a couple all the time, but Rose deserves to find a good guy. I mean, she's pretty, with her perfect petite yet curvy figure and deep brown skin, not to mention funny and incredibly confident.

I'm pretty much the opposite.

I wasn't always. I mean, I used to consider myself confident too, when I was younger. But middle school was pretty rough for me, and it got harder and harder to keep that confidence.

Being too tall, being too skinny, being too honest, being too different, being noticed..

I learned the hard way that those kinds of things invite harsh criticism, and I came through it just trying to keep my head down and keeping my opinions to myself.

Just surviving each day became my top priority, and if that meant tailoring everything about myself to not being noticed, to not being seen, then that was what I had to do.

Nothing good ever comes from being noticed.

Sean noticed me.

When we first got together, I had started to feel like maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. I started to feel a little more comfortable with myself, a little more like the old me, but after everything that's happened, I don't think I'll ever be that person again.

Of course, if you add in social awkwardness and having almost no figure to that, then well, hide your boyfriends ladies.

"We will definitely not be attacking each other's faces," Rose replies, hugging her books to her chest. "We are still in school you know, and besides, I am a lady," she finishes with a huff, sticking her nose in the air and walking ahead of me.

I jog to catch up with her. "Oh, so now you're a lady? So the way you inhaled that giant sandwich the other day like a dude was just you being ladylike?" I laugh as she gapes at me.

"You know what? We're not talking. Walls are up my friend," she states, feigning offense, before walking up to the door to our classroom.

"Yeah, yeah, sure they are," I laugh, but once I approach the door, I freeze. Without warning, my heart is in my throat, and it's like I've forgotten how to breathe.

I feel Rose come to stand next to me. "Mia, come on, let's go in. Are you okay?"

My heart starts racing and my throat feels constricted. It's then that I'm forced to admit the feelings I've spent all morning working overtime to shove so far down that they never see the light of day again. Despite what I've been telling myself and everyone else, I'm not okay, and I'm not fine.

Right this second, I don't know if I ever will be again, and I sure as hell am not ready to face him yet.

Not after everything.

*Flashback*

When I get to my locker that day after geography class, I'm surprised to find Sean leaning against the lockers, almost like he's waiting for someone.

My suspicions are confirmed when he looks up and smiles at me as I approach.

"Hey, Mia!" he says, flashing me a grin. "What do you know? Looks like we're going to be project partners."

"Oh yeah, that's crazy, huh?" I say trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible, but failing miserably.

Oh, the inevitable awkwardness.

See, instead of letting us pick our own partners like any sane person, the sadistic teacher in our geography class decided to assign partners randomly. And of course, I just so happened to get paired up with my locker buddy, Sean.

I mean, sure, I thought it might be nice to get to know him again, but this is pushing it. After all, the year's been flying by and besides awkward small talk a couple of times a week in the hallway between classes, we've barely said two words to each other since that conversation at the lockers.

That was two months ago.

So if we're not friends, why does he suddenly seem so friendly? And why is he smiling at me so much?

Do I have something in my teeth?

*Flashback Ends*

I try to force the memories from my mind, but they keep coming back.

I really wish I could forget it all, everything that lead me here. It would make things so much easier.

"Mia, everything's going to be okay," Rose says gently, resting a hand on my shoulder. "You can do this."

Her voice brings me back to reality, and I take a deep, calming breath before I speak again.

Come on, Mia. You've been through worse. You're stronger than this.

"You're right," I say, reaching out and pushing open the door before I can change my mind. "Come on let's go."

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A/N -

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