The Sea of You & Me

11. Cal

I didn't know how long we stayed that way. It couldn't have been more than five minutes. She got up and ran to Riley without another word. I pushed the pain in my chest aside and went over to the person I should have comforted first.

I hugged Liam tighter than expected. I think he needed it more than anyone. He always tried to be relaxed and have a good time, but he was hurting. I still didn't know how long we stayed in the hospital that night. I tried not to think about it more than I had to.

That's when the tears flowed. The guy who had been a second brother to me over the years. My roommate my teammate my best friend. I didn't even want to think about losing Nolan. I couldn't. But I couldn't help it either. Losing Liam would be just as devastating.

This wasn't fair. She didn't deserve this. Their family didn't deserve this.

The rest of the week was a blur. I only remembered bits and pieces of the funeral except that it was beautiful. There were flowers everywhere, and it was full of light. No one wore balck. The closest thing to black was navy blue. Kennedy didn't let go of my hand the entire time. Only when she got up to give her eulogy she let go, and then returned to me.

It was after thefuneral when we sat in her backyard that everything went to shit. I guess it couldn't get much worse than what we were already going through, but in a way it did. I should have expected it, but I was too naive.

"I got offered an extension to stay another year," she spoke out of nowhere.

"You did?" A ten pound rock slammed into in my gut. I thought I was going to throw up the little bit I had in my stomach.

I didn't want her to go. Even though I was going back to school at the end of the summer. I just wanted her to be closer. Not across the world. At least in the same country. That would be something we could manage. But over this past year I couldn't help but feel as though I needed her here. It was stupid and selfish but I wanted it. I wanted her more than anything yet she kept slipping away. Maybe she was never actually mine.

"I'm gonna go Cal," she said. But it didn't sound like she was talking to me. She seemed a whole other world away.

She only used my first name on serious occasions. Or when she was teasing me, but there was no playful tone to her. I didn't know if I'd ever hear that playfulness again.

I wanted her to go for her. Not to run away. I knew she loved it, but I knew the year had killed her not being here. On one hand she thrived over there but hated missing out on things. So how could I not let her go? I was a selfish asshole and I wanted her here.

"Why?" I didn't care how upset I sounded. I probably should have, but I didn't.

"What do you mean why?" She snapped. Finally a real emotion from her. There was a first.

"You said you would only be gone a year. Yet here you are signing away another year. I don't get it."

She turned to me with a wild look in her eye. I wanted to put my hands on both sides of her face just to look at her. I wanted her to understand what my thoughts were screaming. Words that I could never say out loud.

Look at me. I'm here. Why don't I matter to you? Why aren't I enough to make you stay?

Please.

Just stay.

"It's only one year."

"Funny," I snorted. That's what you said the last time.

"I don't get why you're so upset. Why can't you just support my decision?" She grumbled.

Maybe because your sister just died and you're running away.