THOSE SUMMER NIGHTS

[16]

I snapped my eyes to him, "Why do you always do this? Just leave me alone."

He frowned like he was pitying me and I hated that look in his eyes. I looked away from him, tears pooling in my eyes again. I hated the pity. I hated the pity when he left us, I hated the pity when I got hurt over and over again, and I hated the pity now.

"Why do you do this? When someone tries to help you, you just shut yourself up and get all pissed off. It's fucking annoying." Atlas said.

A sarcastic laugh bubbled out of me, "Oh, you're the one to talk? You literally lock yourself away when you get all up in your head and get tattoos for what? To make yourself look cooler?"

He glared at me, but before he could say anything, I put my hand up, "Don't tell me to fix my self-destructive behavior when you can't even do the same!"

It got quiet really fast. We sat there in awkward silence letting the words we exchanged settle in. I hated how he did this. He made me feel things I tried so hard to bury far away from me. He made me remember how much I hated feeling. He reminded me that I wasn't a robot, that I had feelings like every other stupid teenager.

"I'm trying to help so it won't kill you as it did me." He breathed out.

My eyes met his for a brief second and at that second, I wished I didn't look up. His eyes were bare and brutally honest. This time, he wasn't hiding his emotions by masking them with another one. I could see everything he was feeling-- pain, anguish, heartache, and broken. I shivered and looked away, my face souring. 

I hated how much he made me feel. Like when I was with him, I couldn't help but feel emotions. I fucking hated it with my whole being.

"Fuck you, Atlas." I spat, standing up and stomping away from him. I needed to get away from him before I let my walls drop and cried like a fucking baby in front of him. One more word from him and that's what would happen.

A lump rose in my throat as I tried to hold back the dam of emotions that threatened to come down. I stuffed my hands in my pocket, but before I could get 10 feet away from him, I was turned back around.

"I'm trying to fucking help you, Goddammit!" Atlas yelled in my face and I felt my lip tremble as I glared at him. I wrenched my arm away from him, taking a step back. He stared at me.

"I don't need your fucking help, Atlas." I yelled back, "Leave me the fuck alone! Let me crawl into my stupid hole and die. It's better than all this!"

"Better than all what?" He asked, his face begging to yell at me, but his tone was calm and cautious.

I frustratedly ran a hand through my hair, "Better than feeling! You keep making me remember. Remember all the stupid things I'm trying to forget and I hate you for it! I fucking hate you." I cried.

At this point, tears were streaming down my face and my lip was trembling as I tried to hold back my sobs. I balled my hands into fists in an attempt to gain control over my emotions. I didn't help a lot.

I sobbed, "Sleeping next to you every night is making it all come back to me. I- It's like before it was tolerable, but I can't do it anymore. I keep seeing their faces, taunting me and laughing at how broken I am because of them. But when you hold me, it all goes away."

It got quiet for a second.

"You fucking confuse me, Foreman," I whispered before turning around and walking down the road further and further away from him. My body was screaming to turn around so that he could hold me and tell me that it would all be alright, but that was expecting too much. I was expecting too much from a person who was probably just as broken as I was.

A sob ripped through me as I tried to run away. I couldn't do this anymore. He was right, it would kill me but I didn't know if I cared enough. My mind would break me to the smallest pieces and there'd be nobody to build me back up. I sobbed, falling back onto my already injured knees.

I hid my face in my hands as a wail fell from my lips. I tried to get up and keep walking, but I couldn't. My heart that was screaming for somebody to notice how in pain it was, was keeping me tied to the ground. I felt footsteps behind me and I hoped to God that he'd just walk away and forget that he saw me like this.

Instead, he crouched down in front of me. A hiccuped gasp left my lips as my tears continued to fall from my eyes. I looked up at him and frowned, "Go away Atlas."

Again, instead of listening to me, he pulled me into his embrace and I melted into him as his arms wrapped around me.

"You need to stop saying that." He whispered into the side of my head. A sob left my lips and I buried my face into his chest, holding onto him for dear life. He brushed my hair back and my eyes closed as I felt how tiring it was crying all those tears were.

I shivered as I remembered their two faces again. One, I have fallen in love with and looked up to for years. The second, I have hated since the day he told me I was too hard to love.

Atlas rubbed my back soothingly and I wanted to stay there forever, but I couldn't. Doing that would permit him to break my heart as the others did. I wouldn't do that again.

I pulled away from him and his arms fell from around me. He reached for my eyes and when they met mine, I stopped. He looked at me like he was finally seeing me. Like he was finally understanding why I was the way I was. My face fell at that.

"I'm sorry. I..." I didn't know what I wanted to say.

Atlas stood up and offered me his hand. I stared at his hand and wondered what would happen if I took it. But I took it anyway.

He helped me up and I took it back as soon as we were both on our feet. I stuffed my hands into my pocket and followed him back to the hotel. We didn't exchange any words the whole way, but I felt better knowing he was next to me.

When we got into the hotel room,  I slipped off my hoodie and kicked off my socks and shoes. I watched as Atlas got into bed and I slipped my hair out of its ponytail. I scooted onto the bed, keeping my distance from Atlas.

That hug was enough physical contact from him to last me two years. I wasn't going to touch him again I convinced myself.

I slept to the edge of the bed making sure I didn't accidentally touch his leg or his arm. I pushed the idea of how bad I wanted him to hold me away. It's for your own good, Eden.

As my eyes started to close, I felt Atlas's arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. A soft gasp left my lips as my back pressed into his chest. I tried not to think of how good it felt to have his arm draped over my waist or how good it felt to feel him breathing quietly behind me.

I didn't feel as alone anymore.

-

I WENT OFF SCRIPT AGAIN GOD DAMMIT. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A HAMZA SCENE BYT FUCK IT. you get atlas instead. i hope you guys liked it anyways cuz holy shit this was cute af.

THANK YOU SM FOR 6K I LOVE ALL OF YOU OMG. AND THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LIKES IM GETTING ON TIKTOK. AGAIN, I LOVE YOU. if you wanna check it out my @ is aphroditessinne.r !!

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