nineteen : don't leave something for tomorrow when you can do it today

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The very few people I encounter give me a weird look. I probably look crazy, walking under the heavy rain, all drenched, not wearing a jacket or using an umbrella. Even my cast is all wet, but I honestly couldn't care less.

I don't know what I'm doing. I try to keep an empty mind. The best plan is to not have any plan at all.I try not to imagine how things would go either because they always go south.

One second I was in my apartment, next thing I know I'm walking down the street under the rain.

If this was a movie, this would be that part when the main character finally decides to go for it and stake everything, while a very inspiring uplifting song plays in the background.

But this is not a movie.

But I could not stay there any longer just wondering. Laid in bed, sleepless, without an answer.

That famous what if.

What if I go and stake everything?

What if I stay here and forget everything like it never happened and just move on?

But I can't simply just forget.... or forget him. I'm stubborn.

I felt the sudden urge to see him while laying on my bed.

I could not wait until tomorrow.

After the accident, I believe now that I cannot leave something for tomorrow when I can do it today.

And so I'm at the main door. Knocking loudly. With the immediate feeling of regret, what will I say? But to my luck or not, he does open the door.

"Baek?" He asks. Confused. He has messy bed hair, wearing a plain white shirt and grey sweatpants. "What are you doing here? It's late. Why are you all wet? You'll catch a cold." He looks behind me, he opens the door further for me.

But I don't come in.

"I came in walking."

"From your apartment? That's like 10 miles from here." He looks at me, still confused.

"I thought I'd see you at the hospital."

"Oh, that... I was busy." I purse my lips, pretending I wasn't hurt by the way he shrugged that off. "I heard about it. Are you okay now?" He asks, looking down at my cast.

"I guess." I respond, quietly. I look down. I'm not at my best today. I shouldn't have come. But I needed to see him. I should go.

"Are you sure?" I meet his eyes again. His perfect slanted eyes.

Say it, Baek.

"I had to see you." He frowns. "When I was up there, I could only think of you." I feel some weight lifted off from my chest. "Made me realize, you are the only person I care about."

"Baek–" He sighs.

"No, Yoongi, I know everything is my fault." I start. "I have thought about this a lot–" I choke on my own words. "I– I know I've messed it up with you."

"Baek–"

"No, listen to me, I–"

"Yoongi?" A female's voice blasters, and in a split second I just pray it isn't who I think it is, despite I know exactly who called out for him. "You have your stuff ready?"

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