Killer Comedy [PARODY] [Jeff the Killer x Reader] [JTK]

01- Ha. That's Funny

"Of course I can, darling. I can do what ever the fuck I want," he declared at you, the knife getting closer to your face.

"Ha. That's funny," you said, "You won't kill me."

"Wanna bet?" he said as he placed the knife on your throat.

"N-no!" you shouted, closing your eyes and turning away from him.

"You are so confusing," he muttered, "You were just on top of the world... and now you're... scared...?" He sounded surprised.

You opened your eyes and stared at him.

"I don't wanna die!" you pleaded.

He stared at you in disbelief and rolled his eyes as he said, "What, you want me to give you like, another chance? I think that's funny."

"I'll prove it to you!" you said, misunderstanding his statement.

"Oh, please, honey," he said, "You couldn't last ten days with me."

"Bring it on!" you demanded, narrowing your eyes.

He glared at you and rolled up his sleeves. "Oh, I will then," he mumbled, "I still don't understand what's up with you and your... personality... but if you're really up for the challenge, then go right ahead."

"Hm," you puffed, "It's a deal then."

He stared at you in confusion. "What's a deal?" he said as he crossed his arms.

"If I live ten days, then you won't kill me! If I don't live ten days, then, well, you kill me... It's a win-win!" you said cheerfully.

"That is not a win-win! It's a win-loose in both situations!" the boy corrected and glared at you.

You shrugged, "Hey, take whatchya get, brotha. Little Johnny always said 'When life gives you lemons, you shove 'em up mother nature's a-'"

"I've heard enough..." the boy said, making you mad.

"I wasn't done!" you shouted.

"And I don't care!" he yelled back at you. He turned around and sighed, "You are seriously the weirdest person I have ever come across."

"Hey!" you shouted, enraged from his remark.

"Take that as a compliment, sweetie," he said sarcastically, "I have to run... I didn't know I would be conversing with a fat lard for this long." He started walking towards your back door.

You almost choked. "D-did you just call me a fat lard?!" you screamed.

"Hmm... Guess I did," he mumbled.

Your eyes widened and you ran after him, grabbing his jacket sleeve.

"NO ONE CALLS ME A FAT LARD!" you screeched in his face. "Except for Laquiqua!" you added.

"Calm your tits!" he yelled, "Just go back to sleep! I'm not in the mood anymore."

"You are such an ass hole, you know that?" you asked, "First you break into my home, then you call me fat, then you tell me to calm my boobs?! How is that even possible?!"

The boy stared at you, wide eyed. You could tell, even through his carved smile, that he was disgusted and annoyed.

"Do I need to give you a chill-pill?" he asked, trying to get you off his arm.

"Say sorry!" you demanded.

"I'm sorry...?" he said in a questioning way, "Why the hell would I-"

"I'm sorry for...?" you waited for him to reply.

"Ugh," he sighed, "I, as in Jeff, am truly and deeply sorry for breaking the news to you."

"What news...?" you asked.

"The news about you having some serious issues," he remarked.

You started crying. "Y-you're really killing me here, man," you said in between over-exaggerated sobs, "It just feels so good, ya know? Life is so fucking amazing right now." You kept crying as the sarcastic words fell from your mouth.

Jeff didn't seem like he cared. He stood in front of you, glaring.

"Oh, no!" you sarcastically shouted, "I'm fine! Thanks for asking!" You raised your voice at every word and whined.

Jeff pushed you off of him and shook his head as he went over to the back door. Turning back to you, he rolled his eyes. "See you around... queer," he mumbled.

"Nice to meet you, jerk-face!" you shouted.

He went outside, rolling his eyes once more.

You got up and ran over to the back door, locking it. You didn't want him to come back because of how much of a jerk he was to you.

"Ass-wipes..." you muttered as you thought about him.

These ten days were going to be hell.