Verses of Her Life

Scum's wish

Scum wish

Lost
confuse
alone
lustful
sinful
evil
six words that best describe me
they say i'm a kind person
but the truth i'm just being kind to them
because they do good to me
but when they are being bad at me
i throw it back to them
i also Stole someones lover before unintentionally
and did it again to someone i like
because he said they have broken up
and i believe it easily
yet i am so fragile that single touch can break my walls
i don't know if that was right thing to do at that second time
but it just feels good to do
so i continue it anyway
i ignore the three month rule of relationship
and steal him from her
even if. i know she have not yet move on from him
and she still loves him
i don't even ask her directly because i didn't wanna even talk to her
for it might ruin my relationship with his ex
and for my selfish pride too to don't get hurt
so maybe thats why i still feel disconnected from other people and men
thats also maybe the reason why i am alone
and cannot find the one real romantically love for me
because real romance love is hard to find
no matter how hard we pray to find it and the god to give it to us
it is really difficult to search and find
it is very rare to find someone you can truly love and connect too
and we might get hurt worse when we are searching for it
and might get so isolated in the process
but we still seek it though
and continue to live on
and i also figured out that i am real scum person and my soul got easily corrupted and gets darken by time and years that passed by
maybe thats why i am alone and disconnected
and the reason also i realize that the saying you attract what is you desire
and who you are inside
is true to me
and applicable
that is why i always attract bad guys because i am also one of them
bad and corrupted one
but i wonder if there is really

someone destined for me

someone destined to save my dark soul

someone who is willing to love despite my ugly parts

and if someone like me can forgiven by god

yeah i longing for salvation for a long time too

i just get better at hiding it
and become better at keeping it myself