blame it on me

fifteen: the best of the worst

It was a regular day, with regular weather and a regular schedule, but for some reason the house was in complete and utter silence, not that I'm complaining. The soft breeze that blew in through my room's window and the few rays of sunshine making their in between the curtains, gave me the warm sense of comfort and peace that I had been longing for.

It was morning like these where I didn't want to wake up and go into the real world, because even if just for a moment, I could clearly hear my bed calling for me and I could lose myself in my dreams and not have to worry about anything else. And right that second I found myself in that tedious and annoying situation that I know for a fact every student in the world has found themselves in at some point in their lives:

The alarm clock wouldn't shut the fuck up.

"Five more minutes..." I grumbled.

And yes, I'm very aware that those three little words are the biggest lies we tell ourselves when it's time to get up and get ready for school, but can you blame me? For the first time in months I had finally had a full night's rest without weird dreams and constantly waking up in a cold sweat. And with the house so quiet and my bed so warm and the sheets so fuzzy and my socks so comfy, I was one to bargain for extra time.

And as weird as this sounds – or maybe not –, that morning it was especially difficult for me to get up. It was like my body wouldn't listen to me and I was glued to my bed, no self-control whatsoever. But anyway, I couldn't complain because I was feeling extra cozy that morning. Besides, after going out with the boys the night before, I kind of deserved some extra time to relax, right? It couldn't hurt.

What an amazing feeling!

-

"Holy fucking shit!"

...and the peace was gone, and now I'm screaming.

"Oh fuck, Chaerin is going to kill me!" and that was me, panicking.

Let me give you a little bit of context: it was nine forty-five in the morning!

I was almost two hours late to school, which obviously meant I might as well skip the entire day at this point. The only thing that was bothering me is the fact that I was sure Chaerin would chew my head off when she came home – I could already picture her furious face.

And it had to be that day, nonetheless!

But whatever, it's not like I could do anything to fix it now, but the least I could do was make sure I wasn't late to Dr. Jung's office. Not that I was excited to see him or anything, but it was mandatory around this time of year.

Normally I'm not the type of person that gets sick easily, but it seemed that day that life was playing a prank on me – or maybe it was karma from oversleeping –, because I had a massive headache and I was feeling tired, not to mention the non-stop sneezing and the fever that I could feel bubbling under my skin. And if that wasn't enough, looking at myself in the mirror, I noticed how pale my skin was and I suddenly burst out coughing my lungs out, which hurt not only my throat but also my chest.

It's safe to say that this wasn't my day at all.

Not just the fact that I needed to see my stupid therapist again, but also getting sick on the day that I'm supposed to remember Sunmi, things just couldn't get any worse for me.

I was also supposed to tell him all about the new and confusing dreams I'd been having the past couple of months. If I was actually starting to remember things on my own, then I couldn't just hide that from my therapist, because that would be like taking ten steps back in my recovery and I sure as hell didn't want our sessions to have to take any longer than they already did. It was exhausting.