blame it on me

thirteen: trust issues pt. i

"Soo... Jisoo..."

It was that same voice. Soft and mellow; almost imperceptible, but I could recognize it anywhere with my eyes closed and it kept repeating my name over and over again.

"Jisoo?"

"What is it?"

Suddenly I opened my eyes and there she was in front of me in all of her glory: dark eyes staring back at me with worry and something else I couldn't decipher. Guilt, perhaps?

"Su-Sunmi?"

I didn't mean to stutter, but my throat was parched and I could feel my chest constricting at the sight of her.

"Please forgive me" she choked out a sob.

Her soft hand rested atop my own, rubbing circles over it and I frowned, the only thing I could focus on was how cold it felt. Must've been the weather.

"You're mad at me, aren't you?"

But that confused me. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Why would I be?" I asked, but she didn't seem to hear me.

I repeated my question two more times but she seemed rather aloof. It was almost as if she wasn't even aware of my presence, despite the fact that I was sitting right in front of her.

"Are you listening to me?"

But when I tried to shake her shoulder, I saw my hand going through her body and I realized it was me who wasn't there. My body was transparent and, turning my head to the side, I saw myself sitting on the driver's side, eyes glued to the road.

What in the actual fuck was going on?

"Come on, Sooya, you know this wasn't – watch out!"

Her face went pale as she screamed out the words and suddenly everything went pitch black. My heart started racing when I couldn't see or feel anything and then there was a loud explosion in the distance.

"Jisoo, Jisoo!!"

She was screaming desperately, her voice laced with genuine concern and panic, yet I couldn't talk or see her anywhere. It felt as if the world was spinning around me and the darkness that engulfed me was gradually deafening.

"Sunmi!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

And suddenly, I was sitting in the back of a car looking down at my bloody hands – a gaping wound like a gash of scraped and burned flesh hanging from the edges of my palms and forearms. I was gasping for air, looking around and everything was calm except for myself.

"This was bound to happen someday."

I froze at the voice. I mean, it sounded exactly like me but, how? I was sitting in the backseat!

... right?

"I'm so sorry" Sunmi whispered, resting her head on the driver's shoulder.

A moment ago I was so confident that it was me who was driving – I heard my voice clearly! But now I wasn't so sure, and everything was becoming blurry around me.

"Watch out!" she screamed again.

The loud squeal of tires drifting against the pavement as we hit the brakes, as well as her voice in the background, where all consuming me and once again I felt consciousness slipping off of me.

Everything was happening too fast and I couldn't keep up. Why was the explosion happening again? Why were they acting as if the previous one hadn't happened? Why am I bleeding? Who's driving?