End Game - CR Prequel (Completed) 18+

Part 10

**Tong's POV**

I can see why Max was against the Titanium replacement but I was past the point where I cared about pain. It might sound crazy but before and after I got it done I felt nothing but emptiness.

In a way it was like the time I had to deal with that asshole torturing me every single second of the day for many days kind of numbed me to certain pains and now that everything I ever truly loved is no longer here to be with me everything else is numb. 

Nothing will ever hurt as much as the day Win died...

If enduring something like this helps me fulfil my promise to Win than I don't care. True there is a strange burning sensation in my finger tips now whenever I press them against something but it's manageable and I don't mind.

Even training with Mew and getting my ass kicked didnt hurt to me. Every muscle in my body is screaming at me but I don't care. 

What is pain anyway?

Fuck pain...

With a sigh I walk out of the backyard before anyone could notice I was gone and pass the kitchen where Max was sitting at the counter watching mom and Yu make cookies. 

The atmosphere in this room almost feels happy and it makes me slightly uncomfortable. Feeling happy is no longer comforting, I have no use for it.

Feeling lose once when I lost an asshole like Zee was hard enough but now that Win is gone I don't know how to feel. 

It's like all of my emotions are having identity crisis inside my head...

Avoiding being confronted by others I make my way upstairs back toward Win's room. I don't think anyone is going to do anything else today so I might as well just try to rest and than go back down tomorrow.

I should probably feed too but after the accident yesterday with Knock I've been afraid to feed on anyone. It's like I'm afraid to feed but I'm also afraid to not feed. 

What the hell am I suppose to do then?

Maybe I can ask mom to bring me something from a blood bank. Than I wouldn't have to hurt anyone to get what I want...

Once I reached Win's room I walked in and closed the door behind me before falling onto the bed in the corner. The walls are still covered in all of my notes and thoughts like they have been since the day he died.

I can't get myself to actually take them down.

Tong: Whispering into the darkness as I glance at a photo on the desk across from me. That was the first time he told me he loved me... "Win it's me... I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that we are finally doing something to prepare for the war. Mew and Gulf agreed to help train us and we got these plates implanted into our fingertips. It's strange having a council member in the house and seeing everyone trying to act like everything is the same. Like I can notice that everyone glances at me or worries about me, I would probably worry about me too but I can't help that I miss you..." As a tear slid down my cheek I sucked in a deep breath and wiped it away with the back of my hand. "Anyway I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to do it, I'm going to fight this war and make sure we win. The VHS will be nothing once were finished, your dad even shows emotion towards your passing now. He came up with the idea for the 5 of us to hunt down Xing and Drake. They'll be the first to die, if it goes smoothly maybe I don't have to kill anyone else. I don't want to kill people but every time I think of you and my chest aches I can't help but think about taking revenge or hurting someone that is close to the people that hurt you..." I know I was going in circles with my words so I wiped my face once more before slowly rolling onto my stomach as I pull a pillow to my chest. "The bad news though is that I'm not sure how much longer I can do this, everything feels like a dream. Like this is all just one big nightmare and I just want it to end. I don't know how long I can pretend that everything is okay Win... You were the only reason I was able to move on the first time and now no one else can fill the void you left. Not being able to see you smile or laugh. Not being able to be held by you or stay up and have you read to me to help me sleep ever again. Not being able to watch you mess up making pancakes or fall over while trying to dance in the bedroom because you thought it was sexy." I couldn't help but laugh now as my body began to shake while the uncontrollable sobbing took over. "I-I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist anymore... So the minute this war is over and everyone is safe from harm I'm going to beg Ren to erase you from my mind. At first I thought I could hold onto our happy memories and cherish the time I spent with you but... B-but it's too hard... I don't want to feel this anymore, I can't stand knowing that you're gone. I feel so helpless and useless all the time. I never deserved your love Win. Your death is all my fault. It's my fault." Curling into a ball I continued to sob. "If I had never loved you, maybe you would still be here... I'm sorry Win, I'm so sorry..." I don't know how much time passed but every second, minute and hour was blurring together as a new thought slowly formed before a sad pathetic whimper of despair escaped my lips. "Drake was right, I should have begged him to kill me in that ware house. I really am nothing more than Vermin."

It should have been me...