Just another day

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It wasn't like I didn't want it, I mean everyone wants it right? That feeling of being loved. The memories that you can look back on and smile at like nothing else in the world matters at all. Of course I dream of love, I dream of laying on the grass looking up at the stars with him stroking my hair, talking for hours on end about everything and anything. I dream of walking along the beach at sunset holding hands and laughing like children. I dream of having silly little play fights that end with both of us in tears from laughing too much, a girl can dream. I won't go on with my fantasy moments with the one I love.

"You don't want it Paige, you aren't even trying," My best friend interrupted my thoughts again.

I am trying she's so wrong, how do you try to love anyway? Love is something that just happens I mean, if I have to try and love someone then it's nothing like I thought and I don't want to experience it. Well I do want it but I don't want what comes with it.

I don't want the heartbreak.

Of course it doesn't have to come with that I mean you should see my best friend's parents, still together happily married after 20 years and have been together for 24. Have 5 beautiful children together after having their first as young teenagers. If people told me I could have a relationship like their's I would jump at it, I would try and reach for it like my life depended on it but I won't ever have a relationship like that.

"I do Chloe" I sigh at her, today has been the worst day ever and i've been awake for 13 minutes.

My best friend Chloe, lets herself into my house via my bedroom window like it is the most normal thing in the world. My parents are so used to her being here that when mum shouts me to get up in the morning she just shouts:

"Chlo get her up please," they have never once asked how she actually gets in here and she has been doing this for 3 years. I guess they already know I mean they would be pretty stupid not to have realised after 3 years but you never know with my parents.. you never know.

She started up the usual conversation with me about love and finding it and being happy. We have this conversation almost everyday!

I AM HAPPY.

No, no i'm not. That's a lie.

"OK i'm leaving the subject" she holds her hands up in defeat after my deathly glare at her "so erm anyway I got you a present and it arrived this morning, you will love it!" she practically squealed down my ears, which were extra sensitive due to the fact I had just been woken up. "you have to come get it" she continued, trying to grab my hand from under my pillow and drag me down stairs.

"gerroff've me!" was the muffled noise that I made as I tried to resist against her trying to drag me away from the warmth of my bed.

"nope"

"OK I'M COMING" I finally snap, sitting up in bed and brushing a hand through my hair letting it fall back into place. She smiles at me, it sounds bad me snapping at my friends but she knows she will be forgiven for waking me up in around 10 minutes after my morning coffee and I know that she actually likes it when I shout at her because she's just weird like that, oh and because it shows her she won.

"Yay! Meet you down stairs in a few," she called already stood in the doorway, her thin figure skipping off down the hallway and towards the stairway without a care in the world. I got out of bed mumbling profanities as I walked into the bathroom. I can't believe she woke me up at 8.19AM on a Saturday. What present can possibly be that amazing?

The house was cold and I felt the cold air twirling itself around my legs, almost trying to dig its way into my skin to chill my bones. I grabbed my dressing gown and wrapped it around me as fast as I could instantly feeling warmer. Thank you whoever made these things.

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