Nothing but Heartbreak

13. One day

I was just walking into work from my lunch break when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Ava hey!" Liz's voice rang out from the speaker.

I closed my eyes briefly as I tried to keep myself from hanging up the phone.

"Hey Liz." I faked enthusiasm.

"It's my last day in town and I was hoping to get those drinks with you." She said.

"Oh yeah I'd love to do that." I lied.

"Perfect are you free tonight? I should be good to meet at around 7."

"Yeah I'll be done with work by then." I agreed.

"Ok well I'll see you then I can't wait!"

"See you then." I said before hanging up.

It took a lot for me to say yes. Liz was nice; she had once been one of my best friends. Well that was before she started sleeping with the guy I was in love with. Her hooking up with Harlan for the majority of our senior year put a strain on our friendship. A strain that was never resolved after graduating.

—

"You made it!" Liz beamed as I took the seat across from her.

I couldn't say I was as excited to sit through this evening as she was.

"Sorry I'm a few minutes late, I got stuck in some traffic." I said slipping my coat off.

"Oh no worries I'm just happy to be doing this. I wouldn't have been able to leave town without doing this with you. It's been too long since we've been able to just talk the two of us."

Besides that day I ran into her briefly earlier in the week I hadn't really talked to Liz since college. Sometimes I felt bad for allowing Harlan to get between the two of us. But most times I thought about that final year of college and I felt nothing but heartbreak. The kind of pain I felt watching the two of them it was almost unbearable. He could've chosen anyone but he didn't, he chose the girl I was living with, one of my best friends.

"Yeah we haven't been able to really hang out much since graduation." I nodded.

"I know and that's my fault, it's kinda why I wanted to talk to you."

I just stared at her. I knew it wasn't her fault. I was the one that ignored most of the texts or calls in the months after we left college. I had graduated and then put all the distance I could between her and Harlan.

"It's not your fault Liz." I told her, I felt kinda bad if she was putting the blame on herself.

"Yes it is. You were my best friend Ava and I ruined it. I knew how much you cared about Harlan even if you never explicitly told me. I could tell. I knew it would hurt you but I hooked up with him anyways. I was in bad spot with Derek breaking up with me and I just wasn't really thinking about your feelings more how to stop myself from hurting as much as I was. I ruined our friendship because I was selfish and I am sorry for hurting you the way I did."

I couldn't even process the words she was saying to me. After all these years I was hearing what I wanted. I was listening to her apologize for the part she played in ruining my heart.

"It wasn't all you. I never told you I liked him and even after you two started hooking up I could've said something instead of shutting you out and pushing you away. Nothing has ever happened between Harlan and I so I shouldn't have even been mad about you guys in the first place."

"You had every right to be mad at me. Even if you two haven't gotten together, Harlan has always been yours. I knew it the second I saw you two together. You light up around him in a way I've never seen you light up with anyone else. I'm surprised you and him haven't gotten together by now. I was expecting to hear that you two were finally dating when I ran into earlier." Liz explained.

"Things with Harlan and I just don't work. I'm working on moving on from him not trying to get with him." I told her.

"How do you know they won't work? Have you ever even tried? Have you ever told him how you feel?" She questioned.

"I don't need to do that to know it would end in me getting hurt. All Harlan has done is hurt me basically my whole life." I just shook my head.

I was fighting with myself. Part of me wanted Harlan. I wanted to tell him everything and hope he felt at least a fraction of what I did. I wanted to kiss him, hold his hand and finally after years be able to say that Harlan Shepard was truly mine. But then there was the other part of me. The one that wanted to keep my heart caged up in my chest and not let myself truly get hurt the way I know I would. If I had Harlan, if I was able to kiss him to know he was mine only to have it ripped away from me I don't think I'd ever recover. I loved him too much. It wasn't healthy.

"You're hurting yourself Ava. You won't let yourself give him a chance and doing that is causing you to get hurt. You have to watch him and he has no clue that he doesn't need anyone else because he's always had you. And even if he doesn't feel the same way as you what do you have to lose? You said you guys were barely speaking. When you have loved someone for as long as you have why just give up? If you never give him a chance all these years pinning over him will have been for nothing. You owe it to yourself to find out if there is something there between you two." Liz urged me to listen.

I knew the words she was saying were probably correct. However opening my heart to Harlan was easier said than done. Just the thought of telling Harlan about my feelings made me want to run.

I wasn't ready to do it today. I couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough to face my fears. I wasn't strong enough to open up to someone, to love someone so openly.

One day I'd gather the courage. One day. But not today.

A/n:

My writing for this story has slowed a bit. I've got a lot going on in my personal life and so I've kinda stepped back for the benefit of my mental health. I still have chapters but I was hoping to go back to twice a week uploads but I'm going to stick with just the Tuesday updates until I get myself back on track.

Thank you for reading this chapter and continuing to support this story.

-Cora Leigh