Zane Wilder

Chapter 17: ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ

"I do admit that I've only been in a serious relationship back in high school before I got my job. After that, I did sleep with other women but none of them were serious. My job was and still is dangerous. With my back always watched I cannot settle or show that I have a weakness. That's why until I retire, I cannot think about settling down."

I nodded unsure of what to say. I knew what his words meant. I was inexperienced but no stupid to not understand the double meaning.

Yet none of the things he explained mattered. I would leave anyway and I had to make that clear to him too. It's called communication only when it's both-sided.

"I am leaving" I blurted out.

Zane blinked a few times unsure if he heard my words correctly. "What do you mean Angel?"

"The following day of your call I was supposed to leave the town. To move to my cousin's house. Things happened in these last weeks that left me no choice but to leave." I explained.

"Where are you leaving? Is it far?" Zane asked with urgency in his voice.

"It is about two hours from here. I actually wanted to talk to you and properly say my farewell." My voice broke a little. It was way harder than I thought it would be.

"Is it because of me?" His eyes showed sadness.

"No Zane, it's because of my messed-up life. I told you when we had dinner last time and I was in a difficult situation. Nothing has changed, if anything it got worse."

"I can't let you leave," He said shaking his head.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm selfish I know but I can't let you leave. If I do, I'll never see you again and I don't think I can do that. Nothing has changed for me, Angel. If anything, I'm even more attracted to you than before."

"Zane, what can I offer you if I stay? I know that I can't offer you anything"

"I want you in my life KatKat," He said looking directly into my eyes "No, correction, I need you in my life."

"And what could I possibly give you. I literally have nothing and I doubt it's my body that you're interested in" My voice came out harsher than I intended.

"Your time and attention is the only thing I need" His eyes were pleading. "For now" He immediately added.

Zane never broke eye contact. Making sure that I could see his sincerity. That I knew he wasn't lying.

"Zane, but what am I going to do when you no longer want my time and attention? I am all alone right now. I can't leave my faith in your hands. If I do that I'll want to depend on you. I would want your help every time and one day you will have enough. I can't put my all into one person. You could become my everything one day and then you'll leave and I'll be left heartbroken. I know I'm assuming a lot of things here and probably get too ahead of myself but I don't want misunderstandings. I don't want to hope... "

"I cannot promise you a forever. There's no such thing. But I can assure you that this is my last field mission. After this, I plan to go behind a desk." There was a promise in his eyes that I didn't want to give into.

"Alright, then let me tell you the truth so that you can finally push me away," I said feeling my eyes beginning to sting.

"I am homeless. I've been sleeping in a motel for the past weeks. My whole family is a mess that I am not ready to talk about. I've lived a life full of insecurities and I don't really have a permanent job to maintain myself. I am scared, no, terrified to like someone due to past experiences that I'm not ready to explain. So, Zane, I don't understand what I could possibly give you. I'm not sure when I would be ready to open my heart to someone. It could take me a year, three, or forever. I do care about you; I do care and I feel something growing. I would be stupid to deny that but I'm not sure I want to take the risk. You are a good person Zane; you clearly deserve better." I was crying at this point and I felt bare and defenseless in front of him. I just poured my soul into him. It was dangerous but I had to be clear. I had to tell him the truth.