Coming Home (English Version)

46. Father

Saeed presses his lips together and nods. "It was an honor to have met your father," he adds.

"Thank you," I reply.

We exchange a hug and no more words are spoken. He drives the car to the garage and I walk to the main door where I leave my shoes before stepping inside. When I close the door behind me I hear quick steps coming down the stairs.

"Hey..." Layla greets me in a low voice, still wearing the black abaya she had on this morning. She holds my face with both hands and wipes dirt away from my cheeks with her thumbs. "How was it?" She wonders.

I shrug. "It was okay, I suppose. How are the girls?"

"Sad," she replies. "Maryam was finally asleep when I left."

Her sight keeps examining the rest of me as if I had just come back from the war, until she reaches for my hands and takes me to the powder room nearby. She takes my watch and headscarf off and rolls up my sleeves to begin washing my hands. With a white towel she dries them thoroughly and looks up at me again.

"I'm okay," I tell her.

She tilts her head to the side. "Are you?"

"All I need is a shower. Where is Saeed?"

"He's asleep."

We head upstairs to our bedroom with our arms around each other and she lets the hot water run for me before leaving me alone in the bathroom. I close my eyes as the warm water falls down on my body and memories of my father begin circling in my mind. He taught me everything I know about falcons and I vividly remember the first falcon he gave me that was all mine to train. I cannot wait to teach Saeed all I learned from his grandfather.

I step out of the shower and put on grey shorts and a t-shirt, before I walk out into the bedroom I can already hear Layla talking to someone and when I open the door I find her pacing around with the phone to her ear.

"I know, honey, I know..." She says and then mouths the name Maryam to me.

I think about asking her to let me talk to my sister but before I can get the words out Saeed's cry comes through the baby monitor. I signal to Layla that I'll take care of him and head to the nursery next to our bedroom. In the crib by the corner, I find him half asleep, half fussing around. His diaper seems to be still clean so I take him with me to sit on the recliner chair where Layla usually feeds him. He settles his head over my shoulder and I run my hand up and down on his back while softly rocking him back and forward.

There's just a night light illuminating the entire room and it's only now that I'm realising how much I want to be alive, not for me, but for him. I want to be alive for my son, I want to be there for him. Now that I know the pain of losing my own father I want this suffering to be pushed as further away as possible for him. My throat gets tight when I imagine leaving him at five like it happened to Layla and now I understand her fear and hesitation about having children of her own.

I cannot hold it in anymore and finally tears fill my eyes and start falling down my face as I pray and beg to the almighty Allah to let me live long enough to see him grow, to give me the wisdom to be a good father and to grant me health to create amazing memories with him, so when the time comes for me to die, my beloved son will have those memories to hold onto and cherish for the rest of his life.

Sobbing like I have never sobbed before in my adult life, I cannot pray or think anymore. I can only cry like a child who has just lost his dad.

---

Today I have a lot to say, so here we go...

I didn't plan for this update to be published with Father's Day celebrations being so close in many parts of the world. If you have lost a father figure, I'm sending you a big hug and if you still have your dad or any father figure around, make sure you let them know how much you care. Even if you're not celebrating father's day that's always a good idea.

I know that it has been almost two weeks since my last update but I'll give you another one in a couple of days :) BUT I have to let you know that I'm traveling next weekend and the weekend after that one is my birthday, so... busy days are upon us, I'll do my best.

Also, I have noticed a sudden surge of scammers following me or my story. PLEASE, Hamdan is not here on Wattpad reading fanfics about himself, do not trust anyone telling you they are Hamdan. When I notice one of these people lurking around my stories I block them but that doesn't keep them from contacting any of you. Again, DO NOT engage with these people, DO NOT give them your phone number, DO NOT send them your pics and DO NOT send them your hard earned money. The guy is filthy rich, why would he want your money? Because that's not him! So let's be smart about this.

Finally, I'm getting close to get 500 followers so yay! And thanks for your support.

Lots of love,

Sophie.