Coming Home (English Version)

40. Elephant

Layla

There, I said it. As incredibly silly as it might sound and despite all the years that have passed, she still intimidates me and I know she will want to ruin anything that I enjoy, love or care about. That's why she said what she said about my obsession with sweets; she didn't want me to enjoy them anymore. And what else could I care about more than my husband? That without mentioning that she still likes him, I'm so certain about it. Who cares that he's married? Especially to me. That might very well turn out to be even more entertaining for her. Now, I only hope that Hamdan understands and doesn't try to minimize this, because a part of me wants to be falsely strong and pretend that she doesn't have this power over me, but I'm trying to be honest here and it's not easy. Perhaps this will be more helpful than acting as if it wasn't a big deal or that I'm not affected by her presence and everything she did to me.

He takes my hands and pulls them down so I stop covering my mouth with my top.

"I get it," he tells me.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

"And if I had known about all of this, I would have never crossed a word with her," he carries on. "The only reason I was talking to her was because Amir left us there to go talk to someone else and she's definitely not my friend, I have never talked to her about anything else other than horses and always with more people around. I don't know if you need to hear this, but I'm stating the obvious; you have absolutely nothing to worry about."

"I know, I know," I assure him while gently fixing his hair. "This is totally between me and her, she still seems like this huge monster and I feel very fragile next to her. And I'm sorry, I do need to apologize because even though this is about me and her, I allow it to become something about me and you."

He stares for a moment before speaking. "Yeah, it's like what happened the other day, when I came home really stressed and I was kind of mean to you, remember?"

I nod my answer. That day all I wanted was to have dinner with him but he was in the worst mood I have ever seen. We lived under the same roof for many years, but never as a couple, never as grown ups with full time jobs. And as much as I feel like I know him, being married is showing an entirely new side of him, sometimes it is great, some other times... not so much. But I suppose he's experiencing the same with me and I also can be difficult, of course.

"It wasn't about you and me," he carries on. "But I made it about you. I think we can be smarter than that."

I give him a big smooch and hug him. "I love you and I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, habibi."

I straighten myself up and support my hands on his shoulders. "Okay! I have plans for us but I'm afraid you're a bit overdressed for the occasion."

He scoffs with a smile. "What? Plans? Like... outside?"

"Yeah!"

"Aren't you tired?" He wonders.

"Not right now and I'm not sure how long this energy is going to last, so you better hurry," I advise while moving to the side so he can get up.

"Okay," he stands up. "I'll be quick."

Downstairs, by the kitchen alley, the driver is ready and waiting for us. We quickly get in the car and I don't tell Hamdan a word every time he asks me where we are going. Thankfully, the drive is short and the traffic is not bad so he can finally find out what's happening. The car stops right at the front of the little baby store, on the windows there's a display of baby furniture, tiny pieces of clothing and stuffed animals. When we step out on the sidewalk, he doesn't say anything, he only smiles and kisses my temple.