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Chapter 36: Facebook Friend

Iggy was silent as he looked at her intently. “Do you still have feelings for me?” He then asked after a moment.

“Well, I don’t get crazy about you now. I don’t feel giddy about you anymore. And I’m talking to you now. Maybe, I can say, I’m no longer crushing on you.”

“And since when did you realize that?”

“It just happened. I just got tired of waiting for something to happen that couldn’t really happen and just never happened at all. You just don’t feel that way about me. It took me more than three years to fully accept that. And then came that duet. And Red.”

“Red? So you do really like him now?”

“Maybe I do. But that’s not the point. Him is another matter. Look, Ynigo, I don’t want it to be weird between us. So I just have to do this and make a closure.”

“A closure, that’s funny. You just ended something that had never even begun.” That was the first time Nicky heard Iggy’s raised voice. It completely took her by surprise.

“You’re right,” Nicky replied as she bent her head down. “You’re right,” she repeated. “There’s nothing between us after all. But I just have to be honest with you now, especially now that high school’s almost over.”

“And you’re already over me,” Iggy’s voice was sounding more and more bitter. Then, he suddenly turned to her, sighed and said, “How can we never meet? It’s just all a bad timing, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“This isn’t fair. You know it could have been better if you didn’t tell me this. It could have been a lot easier to just let it pass, let it go and move on. And it could have saved us a lot of trouble and pain for that matter.”

“What?” Nicky looked up and met his eyes.

“You’re right. I never felt that way about you. Actually, I didn’t want to feel that way about you.” Iggy suddenly averted his eyes from her and looked ahead. “But well, there were instances I thought about you, Nicky. And more instances I hated myself for thinking too much about you. There were moments when I just found myself checking your Facebook page more than often it kind of even freaked me out. What’s more freaky is that I wanted to add you as my friend, but I just couldn’t. I waited for you to add me up, though. And well, you didn’t.”

Iggy shook his head. He sighed and then went on, “I couldn’t be feeling that way about you, so I thought maybe I just kind of hate you and find you all annoying that’s why you keep popping in my mind. But why am I checking your Facebook page often—that I wouldn’t really want to explain to myself. I don’t want to admit that I find you somehow attractive and interesting. I can’t be crushing on you. Until our fourth year. That day you stood up against Priscilla. I asked myself why is it not okay to be crushing on you? You’re amazing. You really are. And I can’t stop thinking about you since then.”

It was Nicky who was silent this time as he looked at him—those eyes she thought she could always fall for.

“Maybe I deserve this,” Iggy sighed again. “This is what I get from getting a bit chicken to get with you. It’s too late for us to ever happen, right?”

Nicky bent her head down again. It was a moment before she replied. “Well, maybe we’re not just meant to be together.” Her voice was caught in her throat.

“I could have been your duet partner and we could have been together, Nicky. I had my chance with you and I just blew it.”

“Don’t say that,” Nicky’s voice was a whisper, still caught in her throat. She felt her eyes moistened. Her chest was heavy and suddenly, her breathing was slow.

“Can we then be at least friends?” Iggy then asked. His voice was also all of a sudden choked up.

Nicky shook her head slowly, afraid that if she’d speak, she might just suddenly burst into sobs.

“Why not?” Iggy’s voice was hoarse and sharp.

It was a long moment before Nicky could calm herself down and prevent herself from crying. “It’s too late for that now,” she then said. “High school’s almost over. It would be a long time for us to see each other again. College comes and we’re gonna go separate ways.”

Iggy nodded. “That kinda sucks, you know.”

Nicky looked at him sideways. “But I had always wanted to be friends with you since the freshman year.”

Iggy returned her look and smiled at her. Nicky noted the sad smile curving his lips. “Well, can I at least add you as a friend in Facebook, then?” He then asked.

Nicky smiled back at him. “I was actually hoping you'd say that,” she replied, wishing her voice didn’t sound that gloomy.

Iggy nodded. He was sniffing as he looked away from her, pinching his nose. It was a moment before he breathed out and said something. “So, you’re gonna be attending college at UP Diliman?

“I’m looking forward to it,” Nicky was relieved at the change of topic. “I just really have to convince mama I’ll be fine at UP. What about you? You’ll be at UP Cebu?

Iggy shook his head. “I’ll be at Silliman University.”

“Lois will be taking up Nursing there,” she tried to lighten up her voice. “June will be taking up Accountancy there, too. You’ll be taking up Civil Engineering, right?”

“I still haven’t made up my mind. My mom wants me to take up Management.”

“If you’d take up Management, you and June might be in the same college, then.”

Iggy merely nodded, pinching his nose again.