The Beach (Mimmy)

Chapter Thirty-Two: Flickering, Never Fading

“Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.”

-          Lilo, Disney’s Lilo and Stitch

Matt brooded all that night and the next morning over what Jimmy had wished for. An idea, however dastardly it may be, was forming in his mind, and the more he thought about it, the better it sounded.

“Jimmy?” he asked softly as the drummer walked on his hands into the kitchen and tried to open the fridge with his feet.

“Yeah?” he replied, succeeding in pulling the door open, and balancing on one hand as he tried to reach for a beer.

Matt was silent for a moment, figuring out how to word his question just right, afraid of his husband’s reaction. “W-Why couldn’t I stay with you forever?” it was a whisper, barely audible, and Jimmy walked back into the living room upside down to where Matt was sitting, rolling the Heineken along with his nose.

“What’d you say?” he asked, sitting upside down on the couch, and opening the beer bottle. He proceeded to try and take a sip, but coughed and gagged as he wasn’t able to. He moved to sit upright as he waited for Matt to repeat himself, leaning his head on the younger man’s shoulder.

“I-I uh… I asked why it was that I couldn’t stay with you forever…”

“Because I came here to say goodbye, Mattie, and goodbyes don’t last forever.”

“But I mean…” Matt looked down as he whispered, “Why can’t I go with you?”

He only received silence from Jimmy. Matt looked up slowly to see his husband’s reaction.

Jimmy was shocked, upset, and incredibly frightened, Matt could tell that instantly. He opened his mouth and closed it again, before slowly shaking his head and trying again. “You-You can’t.” he whispered. “I won’t allow that.”

“B-But why?” Matt whispered, “I could go like you went, i-it would be painless and then we could be together forever. Please, Jimmy, why not?”

“Y-You don’t know what you’re saying.” Jimmy slowly stood and looked down at the vocalist. “You can’t just leave. Everyone needs you, Matt, I need you…”

“That’s why I’d be going, Jims. Because you need me.”

“No, you don’t understand! You can’t give up!” Matt watched as Jimmy’s eyes filled with tears and he let them fall helplessly. “Remember our promise?” he whispered, “You’re gonna let go, y-you have to move on.”

“I can’t!” Matt shouted, “I can’t move on, Jimmy! Every day without you is a challenge, and I struggle all the time! I’m not happy here anymore, I want to go with you! Please, Jimmy…”

“But you promised me, Matt!” Jimmy shouted, “You promised!”

Like a bad radio signal, Jimmy began to flicker. He was still shouting, but it sounded far off and distant, and Matt watched in horror as he could see the TV through Jimmy’s stomach. Terrified, he reached for the older man, sobbing when his hand passed right through him.

“J-Jimmy!” he cried, tears streaking down his cheeks. Jimmy’s form wavered a bit, before slowly returning to normal and the older man threw himself at Matt, burying his face in his neck.

They cried together, emotional about what Matt had suggested, and frightened and relieved that Jimmy had not been taken away. They heard the door open and close, and Bella started to bark, but Matt was beyond caring. Let them see, let them call him crazy. It wasn’t worth him spending time away from his Jimmy.

It was Arin, though, who entered the room, bearing a couple boxes in his arms. He paused in the doorway, just watching the pair for a moment. He set the boxes down gently, before turning to go as quietly as he could, but Matt stopped him. “C-Come here.” He whispered to the younger man, encouraging him to sit with them on the couch.

Arin hesitantly crept into the room, perching himself timidly on the couch next to the pair. “I can go if you need me to…” he whispered, but Matt shook his head, wrapping his arms securely around the drummer and holding him tight.

Arin wasn’t sure how to react at first, sitting awkwardly while Matt’s arms were wrapped around him, but eventually he returned the embrace, squeezing Matt tight and running his hands over the older man’s back. Jimmy gave him a sad smile, and Arin returned it from over Matt’s shoulder.

Matt heaved a shaky sigh, burying his face into Arin’s neck. “Hey, it’ll be alright.” The younger man whispered softly to the vocalist, “It’s gonna be okay, why are you so upset? Both of you?”

Matt just curled his fingers in the fabric of Arin’s shirt, and Jimmy explained to Arin what had happened, how Matt suggested suicide and how he had nearly returned to heaven. Jimmy’s voice quivered as he spoke, and he closed his eyes, swiping at the tears that fell. Matt felt Arin’s grip loosen, much to his dismay, and the younger man let go all together, opening his arms for Jimmy.

The vocalist watched Jimmy snake his slender arms around Arin, hugging him with the rib-cracking, comforting embrace that only he could bestow, and he saw Jimmy smile at Matt warmly over Arin’s shoulder. “I love you.” He mouthed silently, and Matt’s sadness melted away, dimples showing in a wide grin.

It turned out Arin had brought cupcakes and some sort of Spanish dish that his father had made so that they could celebrate Jimmy’s birthday again. They made a lunch of it, taking the food and Bella down to the beach and taking time just to be near each other. Arin did his best to lighten the mood, and with his encouragement, Jimmy bounced back to his energetic, extreme self. Matt and Jimmy decided to try and teach Arin how to scream, which in the end turned into a giant screaming match between the two,  Arin laughing and urging them to carry on.

Matt had never been more thankful for the younger man, and whenever he caught Arin looking at him, he smiled at him widely, causing Arin to blush.

Matt was surprised as suddenly there was blue slickness on his face, and he frowned, wiping frosting from his eyes as he glared at Jimmy, who was doubled over in laughter. “Sullivan!” he shouted, grabbing a cupcake from the box and taking off after Jimmy down the beach.

So, they didn’t eat the cupcakes. They pelted each other with all twelve of them, Bella barking and leaping and snatching up what fell to the sand. Jimmy tackled Matt and proceeded to lick cake and frosting off his face, causing Matt to squirm and squeal. “Gah, Jimmy! Get off me!” but he was laughing and didn’t mean it and Jimmy knew that.

Arin took to the water to get somewhat cleaned off, and the other two followed him, moving their play from the sand to the surf. And it was there, waist deep in cold blue water, Matt grabbed Arin’s hands and smirked at him slyly. “You missed a spot.” He murmured.

Before Arin could reply, Matt kissed him.