Porcelain

Chapter 48

Cherry opened the door a bit, catching on to where she was going with the story.

"When he left, you said you owed me. Can, will you help me this once?"

Cherry sighed. "Wait here," she said before closing the door.

She appeared a few moments later, a dress in her hands. "Here, I don't wear this one a lot. So if you can't get it back I won't miss it much. But Estelle? I'm not doing this because I think I owe you a favor, or because we're suddenly friends. I'm doing this because I know you're human too, and you deserve help. I'm not doing this because it's you, I'm doing this because I think it's the right think to do."

Estelle smiled and carefully folded the light blue dress. "Thank you, Cherry. I mean it."

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Estelle sat nervously in the waiting room fiddling with her hands. She felt so unlike herself, which only added to her anxiousness. Normally she would be playing with the zippers and buttons on her jacket or with her switchblade, or even her had, but now her hair was styled and she was wearing Cherry's blue floral dress.

She could feel the stares from the other couples, mothers and husbands staring at the singular odd teenage girl.

She had briefly asked Dally if he would come with her, but she didn't think he would, and apparently he didn't either as he was out for the day doing who knows what.

"Estelle Parker?" The nurse called, and she hurried up from her seat.

After the nurse got a brief medical history and her vitals, she sat nervously waiting for the doctor. She had no idea what to expect, really.

"Nice to meet you," the doctor said. "Are you here alone today?"

The thought that was a stupid question, as the answer was quite obvious. She also didn't see what it had to do with the health of herself or her child.

The doctor asked some general, if slightly invasive, questions, which she answered without paying too much attention, until the doctor mentioned that he was going to be doing a manual exam as well.

"Excuse me?" She said, eyebrows raised.

"Standard procedure, ma'am. Just to make sure everything feels right and there's nothing to be concerned about."

"Do you have to?"

"I mean, yes, if you want to make sure your baby is healthy?"

She wasn't going to be able to back out without seeming like a horrible person, even though her personal boundaries were being crossed.

She took a breath. "If you have to."

"So miss, please take a deep breath and relax, this won't take too long."

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Had Estelle not been forced to conceal her true emotions for years, she would have left sobbing. She didn't like to be touched normally, and she wasn't prepared to be fully violated by a stranger. It reminded her too much of traumatic events in her past, no matter how professionally it was performed. The doctor had tried to make small talk with her during the examination, but she hasn't replied. She had been choking back tears.

But because she was who she was, her grief manifested itself as anger, and that anger as violent energy. She was silent as Sodapop drove her back to the house, and she sat in broody silence, waiting for her chance to throttle Darry.

They got home, and she rushed to the bathroom. She scrubbed off her carefully applied makeup, mascara running and lipstick smeared. She saw some fall onto Cherry's dress, but she ignored it. She had already said she didn't really care if she got the dress back.

She practically ripped it off her body, and ran her fingers through her carefully styled hair. It was fake. All of it. A costume of who she should be, but not who she was. She laughed bitterly. Now she truly lived up to her nickname, she truly had looked like a doll. She still did, but one broken and cast aside.

Any dignity she'd had left was stolen back by the doctor, whom she was certain had enjoyed that far too much, as she was in there alone with him. She walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but her underwear, and went to find some better clothes.

Her clothes were clean, so she threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt she'd stolen from Dally. She pulled Dally's "borrowed" jacket around her, finding some small amount of comfort in the large jacket.

By the time she walked out, she felt like a person again, albeit a traumatized one, which was a fair assessment.

"Want a sandwich?" Sodapop asked her.

She shook her head, and curled up on the couch as best she could. She turned on the TV so that she could have an excuse not to interact with people, and pulled her jacket around her.

She started to drift off to sleep. She knew she should get up and eat something, the doctor told her she needed to be eating more, or to pick up Cherry's dress, still left discarded on the bathroom floor, but she had no energy left in her to do either of those things.