Revelations to an Alpha

Chapter 18, Revelation: I deserved the blame

(a/n: sorry for the short chapter, I promise I'll make it up to you later!)

Chapter 18, Revelation: I deserved the blame.

Max, after a few days had decided to let me sit in the co-pilot seat. Not that he needed a co-pilot, or that there was any need for the seat, but he allowed me anyhow. From the seat I could watch his every movement, his steering, and his frantic button pressing. I hardly understood it- but I didn’t need to understand. I just needed to remember.

The mountains, no matter how many times I’d see them, never got boring or old. There always something new, always a point of focus I hadn’t noticed before. Always a new beauty with a new day. But today, Max was taking me out on the sunrise trip. There were a whole lot of defence soldiers in the back, being instructed by the officers and shown places, things that they should do. At one point the defence guy said, “The Mountain is unbreakable. But if you must, create a wall of your bodies to stop anyone coming through.” While it was overdramatic, I had no doubt that he was serious.

On boarding, one of the soldier’s had pointed to me and asked if it was wise to have me on board during the plan speech. The officer shrugged, told them by order of the queen I had an all access pass, and they shouldn’t worry. Although he sounded cautious himself.

But now, they all seemed fully at ease with me sitting alongside Max. One joked about me being his sidekick, to which Max replied “Oh, no, I’m definitely hers.”

The part of me related to the queen enjoyed the comment, but the part of me not related didn’t like the fact I had enjoyed it. This lead to an inner conflict throughout the flight, meaning I was too focused on myself than Max’s directions for flying an actual plane.

Wait- he’s giving me directions? Does that mean he thinks I’ll be able to actually do it?

“You see this here?” He looked over to me for a second as the group in the back were doing question time. “Cathy?” I looked from my hands curled in my lap to the pilot. “This is auto-pilot.”

“Does it just fly itself?” I asked, frowning at the little box with a few buttons. He chuckled and then fiddled around with it.

“It can’t take off and land of course, but if you plug in a destination, it’ll fly there.”

“Oh wow.” I smirked at the box that gave me futures I never though existed. I only needed to learn how to take off. Oh, little box, you beauty.

“I know, amazing, right? I’ve only used it once. We can use it on our next flight so I can teach you more.” He was looking at me, grinning, like finally he had a friend. I smiled back, knowing I had one too.

But there was an emptiness there, too. Knowing that I would eventually betray him. Every day goes by, and every day could be a day closer to the queen’s soldiers on Necker Island finding the paperwork in the walls. I stopped smiling and looked out the opposite window. I couldn’t stall anymore.

As soon as we got back to the centre I went about finding my old pack members, scattered around. I told Max I had some errands to meet, and he let me go.

They had to around somewhere. I checked the control rooms, the collective hall, down every corridor I could find and began to think the worst had happened. Or they’d take forever to find. I was thinking about giving up when I opened the door to the training room.

It was full of people with neutral faces doing extremely hard activities, but amongst it all stood Phoenix, watching another soldier and even laughing at a joke. I began to think that maybe he had begun to fit it, but when he saw me there was a glint of hatred still there, still burning even in the icy mountains of Greenland. He excused himself and walked over to me, I left the room and waited outside for him to join me.

When he did join me, I started walking, to make it look as much like a normal conversation as it was humanly possible. I knew there were cameras all around here, but I was getting desperate.

“What are we doing, Cathy?” He snapped, quietly, but smiling along and pointing to a picture on the otherwise plain wall.

“I have a few things sorted out. The problem is you. And Lucas.” I said, inconspicuously, nodding at a soldier rushing past.

“What’s the problem?”

“You guys can’t come with me. But I don’t know how else you’ll…” Someone else walked past, “Follow.”

“Why can’t we-”

“Because you can’t. Do you have any ideas?”

“I could think of a few things that would get me and the guys, but Lucas…” Her scratched his head as we walked into the dining hall. It was around brunch time and some people were finishing late breakfasts. “Can’t he go with you?”

“No, Phoenix.” I snapped at the idea. I tried to remind myself that he didn’t understand that I didn’t intend to land efficiently.

“Ok.” He was finally submissive, then he walked me around the room and down more corridors I wasn’t quite sure existed. “I’ll try and think of something.”

“Tell the guys.” I advised him, starting to retrace our steps. He nodded, and as we came to Lucas holding place, I let Phoenix gaze through the glass. Lucas didn’t look up, he just sat solemnly on the floor, looking towards the wall.

“I bet he gets lonely. And bored.” Phoenix remarked, suddenly turning away and beckoning me to follow.

“Are you allowed to visit him?”

“Why would I be? To everyone else I’m a soldier. I shouldn’t know him at all, apart from that he’s the enemy. Oh, God, Cathy, they say such mean things about him in the ranks. And you.” He suddenly changed his tone as we continued to walk.

“Traitors- they call you. Not loyal to one side. Dirty, gross traitors that the queen should’ve shot a long time ago. And that’s not even the worse! They say you’re just one of the queen’s love child’s, you should be dead, according to them.”

“Well, I should be.” After a minutes silence I carried on. “I would be if it wasn’t for you. And Elizabeth.”

There was an awkward silence, in which Phoenix looked a mixture of extremely proud and extremely sad. There was an even longer silence when he turned to me and stopped walking outside a door. Someone emerged from the door and had to awkwardly curl around us, because we wouldn’t move.

“I’m sorry I blamed you.” He whispered. But he had no need to be sorry. She died for me, because of me, in front of me and in my hands. If i had've died like the queen intended for me, Elizabeth would've been fine, Phoenix would have his mate, and this stupid war would not be happening. 

“But I deserved to be blamed.”