A Crowded Place

Chapter 17: Heartbreak

In my dream that night, I saw Aaron standing on the shore of an island. I was on a kayak on the sea, and I could see his silhouette standing out against the fog on the island. As I approached, rowing with all my might, I saw that he was facing the ocean, looking desolate. His hands were by his sides and his head was down.

'Aaron!' I called out, waving my hand. The waves were getting stronger, and I had to re-position my grip on my paddle and continue rowing toward him. Aaron looked up, startled. His face was streaked with tears, and his eyes were bloodshot.

'Liv?' He gasped, his voice hoarse. 'Olivia!' He roared the second time, his voice cracking from exertion. My name echoed for what seemed like miles around.

'Aaron, hold on - I'm coming!' I screamed. I didn't sound like myself. There was so much grief and desperation in my voice. I seemed to leave my body then, as I floated a few meters above and could see myself rowing toward the island. The waves were thrusting me back with each stroke I took with the paddle. The kayak rocked side to side vigorously - it looked like it was going to tip.

Aaron smiled, unaware and not caring about his running nose and mess of tears. 'Hurry up, will you? I've been waiting for you forever!' I smiled back, but my face was soon contorted with pain as my arms felt like they were going to break. I rowed like my life depended on it, but my kayak barely seemed to be inching forward. I panicked, my heart thumping against my ribcage. Something inside me told me this wasn't going to work.

'The waves—they are too strong!' I managed, gritting my teeth as I battled the slushing currents. Aaron recognised the exhaustion in my voice, and he frowned. He stretched out his hands, as if trying to reach for me. But I still a few hundred meters away.

I couldn't... The waves increased in size and force by the second. There was no way I'd reach him on that island. My arms flopped. The sky crackled with thunder and rain began pouring down. We both knew it wasn't going to work. My kayak was now being carried back by the waves, away from the island, accelerating in speed.
'I love you, Aaron-' I shouted.

'No! Olivia!' He tried to step towards me, into the currents, but he seemed to be held back by an invisible force. I was drifting farther and farther away, my eyes blinded by the pelting rain. Lightning flashed somewhere near me. My ears rang in the chaos of sound. A gigantic wave erupted onto the shore, engulfing my sight of Aaron. 'OLIVIA!'

——

I awoke with a start, my hands clammy with cold sweat. I could still hear Aaron calling out my name, his voice ringing out in the silence of my dorm. The sun was just beginning to rise, a stark contrast to the despondent environs of my nightmare. I took the dream as a sign of sorts, and I scrambled to my desk to find my phone. All my grief from the previous night had now been swallowed by the shock and fear from my dream.

I fumbled with the keys on my phone, finally opening up FaceTime. Good. It would only be around 11pm in Australia at the moment. I had to check in on Aaron.

The FaceTime ringtone only sounded for a full 3 seconds before I heard the connection being made. Aaron appeared on my screen. There he was, as much of a presence as ever, radiating an aura of calm and confidence. I exhaled, relieved to know that he was OK. Dreams can do weird things to you sometimes. He smiled when he saw me, the corners of his eyes crinkling upwards.

'Aaron-' I started, but I found myself sounding all choked up and unable to speak. I cleared my throat. 'I've missed you.'
'Me too, Liv. But isn't it, like, 7am for you there? Is something wrong? It's not like you to wake up this early,' he winked at me, and I smiled at the irony - he had hit the nail on the head, without actually meaning to.
'Yeah, actually, um. I had a dream last night. About you.' I said. Aaron looked a little taken aback, but he let me continue. I began to tell him what I had seen in my dream, every detail still fresh and vivid in my mind.
'...I thought I was going to lose you forever,' a sob escaped my lips. I tried to smile to conceal the pain I was hiding. But Aaron saw through it. His features softened.

'It must've been a rough night,' he said, his face showing his concern. 'You sure you're alright?'
I nodded. But now came the hardest part - I had to break to him the news of yesterday night's conversation with Jessica and Michelle.

'Aaron - yesterday night, Michelle and Jessica told me what you had told them...about us.' I began, sounding almost embarrassed.

Aaron's face fell. He looked crushed, but he knew what I was talking about. Maybe he had been expecting this.
'I know, Liv. I'm sorry you had to find out that way - I'm so, so, so sorry-' He said, shaking his head as if reprimanding himself.
'Hey, hey - it's fine, Aaron. I get it, really. I was totally starting to feel the same way...' I told him about how I felt that the circumstances weren't right for a long-distance relationship, how he deserved more than only getting to see his girlfriend's face through a screen everyday for 4 years.

Throughout my explanation I found myself almost rambling, but Aaron's steady gaze from his emerald green eyes kept me calm. However, by the end, I saw that they had become glazed with moisture. But I couldn't judge him: tears were already falling freely from my own eyes by then.

'You're absolutely right, Liv.' Aaron said, smiling through his tears. 'You're awesome, you know that? For your humour, for your courage and strength, for making my time with you some of the happiest moments of my life.'

'Me too...' I sniffled. Finally, I plucked up the courage to ask: 'Aaron?'
He raised his eyebrows, his face attentive.
'We can still be friends, right?'
'Of course - friends forever,' he declared.
'Pinky promise?'
'Pinky promise.'

So there we were, two teary-eyed teenagers holding out their pinky fingers at opposite ends of the world, now more unsure about the future than ever before.

But at that moment, they both knew that they had found peace within their souls.