To Want Endlessly [18+]

Chapter Seven

My body tenses involuntarily. For whatever reason, I don't want to reveal the reason to her. It's not that I'm embarrassed my wife cheated on me; that emotion has never once crossed me with this situation. It's also not like I'm trying to hide this either.

Looking down at my now empty dish, I purse my lips. Over and over, I ask myself and wrack my brain for why I feel so uneasy telling Freya what happened. Does she have a right to know? Just because she let me crash at her place last night? I don't think so, but I also don't want to keep this to myself.

At this point in time, Chandler is the only person who knows what's happening unless Lacey has been giving the news. He's the only confidant I have and he's not really much of a talker or consoler. Most of the vibes and words I get from him are along the lines of knowing Lacey wasn't any good. Nothing that really helps me.

"Chance, I won't force you to tell me, okay? I was just curious, but that doesn't mean I'm dying to know." Freya pulls me out of my head with a calm voice of acceptance. "You don't need to think so hard because I don't need to know."

I furrow my eyebrows and search her eyes for a lie. But I'm just looking for something that's not there. Taking a deep breath, I rub my face tiredly.

"I recently found out my wife's been cheating on me and since then, I've been drinking uncontrollably." The words come out like vomit. "The other day she even called me to apologize I guess... but since I had been drinking before, I ended up throwing up while she was on the phone. She then proceeded to get mad at me and spew some shit about not actually wanting to get back together or whatever."

Emotions begin to well up in me. Ones I hadn't felt throughout all this shit with Lacey. Rather than sad and depressed, I'm starting to feel angry as I think over everything. She really called to get me back only to get pissed and yell some childish trash at me?

When I look up at Freya, she's leaning against her counter. Raising an eyebrow, she brings her arms up and crosses them. "Wow," she says, nodding slowly. "Your wife... sounds like a bit of a bitch."

A moment of silence passes before I burst into laughter. Her words aren't that different from what Chandler has been telling me, but I feel so much relief from sharing that with someone unrelated to me and my life. I feel like I've actually just taken a step away from Lacey's chains that still bind me.

"Yikes, sorry. I definitely realize you might still love her despite the shitty thing she did. Wait, there may be circumstances that could have pushed her to-"

"Impossible," I interrupt, my tone a lot more biting than I mean for it to be. "I would have given her the whole fucking world if she asked. I genuinely don't know what would have pushed her to cheat, I really don't."

Freya holds her hands up as if surrendering. "Sorry, I didn't mean to doubt you to your face like that. You don't seem like a shitty guy, but you never know. Jeffrey Dahmer didn't look like a serial killer either, so..."

Another laugh leaves me. "Did you just compare me to a cannibal? I don't think I've ever been compared to a murderer."

"Eh, an extreme example, but you understand what I mean. But back to the main point. Your wife cheated on you and you've been drinking yourself silly since. Why?"

Sighing, I shrug. "I've only ever been with Lacey. Imagining my life without her is like sticking a thousand needles into my heart. I think what hurts most is that I genuinely thought she was happy, so to find her doing that... It really baffles me. For what reason?"

"A lot of times, cheaters don't have a reason. They just do it because they're selfish. They love having the best of both worlds as if their actions don't affect anyone when they clearly do."

"You sound like you have experience," I tell her, smiling slightly.

"No, I just know that humans are assholes and are really selfish." Freya winks before walking over and lopping down next to me. "So, have you done anything to get back at her?"

"No." I shake my head. "I've been too drunk. I don't even think I have a way to get back at her... what would you suggest?"

Her sculpted eyebrow raises and she smirks. The look is sexily devious, as if she knows what she's doing.

"The best revenge is to show her that you're doing okay. You said she called and groveled? She sounds like the type of person who wants you to pine for her," she speaks, oozing nothing but confidence and knowledge. "If you're getting drunk everyday, you're just giving her what she wants. Maybe she's crying right now, but only because she got caught. She's probably out there being comforted by her side piece. For you, it's just better to get over her and pick yourself up."

Easier said than done. If I could do it with the snap of my fingers, I would have ages ago. If I could mend my broken heart overnight, it would be healed already.Throwing away a ten-plus year relationship is impossible at this point in time.

"You know what, you should have some casual sex," Freya suggest after a solid beat of silence. Her words completely throw me off and I nearly break my neck whipping it to look at her. "Don't look at me like that. Some might say this is stupid, but if you've only been with one woman ever, maybe you just need to explore your horizons."

"That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen."

"Maybe, but at least you'll be having fun."

Giving her a look of contempt, I raise a brow. "Are you offering?"

As soon as the question leaves my mouth, I regret it. We had just gotten over an awkward silence during breakfast and now I've caused another. It begins to linger, causing me to break out into a sweat. My eyes dart across the room as I look for a good way to change the subject.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Chance, but you're a bit of a mess right now. I'd definitely feel bad taking advantage of you, and you're a bit of an alcoholic." She pats my shoulder. "But once you start to get your act together, let me know and maybe we can start something up."

That... wasn't a full no?

*Oof, oof, oof. Yes, it's been way too long and yes I'm sorry, okay! But I wrote this chapter in like 45 minutes. There might be hope for me. And for Chance and Freya... there's was definitely something going on at the end there. That means we're getting close to S E X! Okay... bye, lmao. Please don't forget to vote and comment. Let me know if anyone is still around!*