Bees & Honey [H.S]

Chapter 64

The reason for me starting to date Camille was because I didn't want to be alone. I needed to move on. The only way for me to get past that feeling was for me to tell myself she wasn't going to be mine. However, I knew I couldn't stand the loneliness and utter heartbreak I would feel with that. So, I fooled myself into thinking I could be happy with Camille. In that way I could keep her as a friend, as long as it meant that she was a part of my life. Later I realised that even with Camille I was alone, as long as I didn't have her I was alone. Never in my life experienced such loneliness, darkness and remorse as I did when I foolishly stuck by Camille when Bianca suddenly offered me all that I had wished for. After that, I never wanted to be alone again. So, as the sun went down I pleaded, "I don't wanna be alone.". Life was just brighter with her in it. And as I had told her, I was just happier whenever I got to warm myself in her glow.

But I can feel it take a hold, I can feel you take control... Of who I am, and all I've ever known

She consumed me- my soul, my mind, my heart. Not only did she consume me, but she changed me without even knowing. I knew that she hated the cliché of "you made me love myself". But it was true. She just never got that it was another word that fitted before that sentence, "loving you made me love myself", and that's a difference.

I knew timing had been our enemy, but her entrance into my life couldn't have been more perfectly matched. She came at just the right time, sweeping me off my feet. In a time of need for someone, something- she came in light and changed my world for the better looking at it through her eyes. I had just recently realised that, and it was first this morning I vaguely told her it with another set of words, and suitably, they fitted right into the lyrics.

Lovin' you's the antidote

Golden

All of us sang the chorus again, but this time we added onto it to bring influences from both the first and second verse now- to give the full feeling, to give the listener the full experience.

The lyrics were bittersweet and if you really listened to it you would hear that it in fact was very sad, heartbreaking even. But the gleeful and sunny melody took the focus, making neither of us notice it because we got so drawn into the brightness and happiness that created this two sided illusion of being the happiest story, but also the saddest.

"Golden, golden, golden, golden." Tom sang the line that I first started on when I got the guitar, raising in tone just like we had before and singing it over and over. Again, the rest of us joined in harmonies.

"Di di di di." Mitch adorably mimicked light notes that were in contrast falling in tone after every round of the repeating of "golden". It immediately stole my attention, and I had to try my hardest not to laugh at him. Sometimes, every once in a while, Mitch did say something. And often when you thought you had him figured out, he did something so out of character that it made you have to go and change that perception completely.

We went over and over what clearly was the bridge. I hit my strings harder and harder as we did, until I eventually and very drastically stopped with a firm hand hitting the strings still.

I know that you're scared because I'm so open

"Da da da dada." Tom stood up, cheering the lyrics and jumping around with his arms stretched out freely now that I went harder and crazier with the guitar, not holding anything back. Before we knew it, Tyler was up on his feet as well. I shook my head rapidly side to side, making my curls fall in my face to the feeling of joy racing to my head with the release of the climax with the song.

And as we sang the lines of the chorus again all together as a form of outro, I knew without a doubt that this was the opening track of the album.