TIME AFTER TIME ; jjk

11

I couldn't get the words out, although I wanted to. I was afraid that I would tell her something offensive which I didn't mean, and that would upset her more... I knew we started on the wrong foot but I thought we could give it a try and be good friends like Taehyung had mentioned.

I stood close to her, a safe distance between us. I found myself standing there with no idea what I was supposed to do. 

"Good evening," I said to her.

Park Soohyun looked surprised, but after that she seemed to gather herself after a nod and a small smile. I dismissed it as a sign of tiredness. We all had a long day. On other days, she still looked energetic and sophisticated whenever she walked out of the hospital but this time, she was distant... A little more hostile. I understood because I had an intuition I could be the problem. She must have not liked my presence. Earlier this morning she appeared rather unenthusiastic towards me which was definitely reasonable... She had every right to be, and now I thought I could approach her and be a little friendly. Jungkook, just try tomorrow or next time, she doesn't look like she's in a good mood.

"I assume you didn't bring your car with you..."

"You're right," she said.

I put one hand into my jean's pocket while the other held the strap of my backpack. "Ah, it sucks that it's raining hard right now. It's just bad timing."

"I guess so."

"Is no one going to pick you up instead? How long have you been waiting here?" I glanced down at my wristwatch and clicked my tongue. "It's almost nine."

"It's fine. Shouldn't you be going home right now?"

"Uh, yeah, actually..."

"Then go."

"I guess you're right," I said like an idiot.

"Go," she repeated.

"Will you be okay? It's cold out here."

"I'm not fucking five, Jeon Jungkook."

I raised my brows in shock. There was an indignant edge to her voice and I started to fidget with my fingers, oblivious of the sudden animosity on her part. "I was just showing concern as your acquaintance..." I trailed off.

Soohyun pursed her lips in a thin line as she stared at me, a crease between her eyebrows. I hated the fact that she looked like she was going to cry if I triggered her. "Thank you but I don't need it."

I cleared my throat. "Okay... I apologise if I said something you didn't like but please tell me what it is."

She shook her head and averted her eyes. "I don't know... I just feel embarrassed when I see you and I thought it would feel alright if I pretended nothing happened. If I acted like I didn't do crazy things for you to notice me. But it's not okay. I feel even more hurt knowing you're this close but I can't have you. I feel so embarrassed. I'm telling you, Jungkook, I am so ashamed."

"You don't have to feel that way--"

"I can't help it. I'd really appreciate it if we act like strangers. That's how we have always been, anyway."

"But we can still be friends, you see. I'll wait until you're comfortable. I just think we're old enough to not let this become a rift between us." My voice came out shaky like I was convincing myself.

Soohyun harshly turned to me and I watched her eyes glisten with tears. I fucked up, didn't I? I had no idea which part of what I told her made her tear up, but I knew I said something that didn't sit well with her. It was even worse that I didn't know what exactly it was. God, I was so clueless. And Taehyung was wrong.

"Can you stop? I'm trying so hard to ignore you so I can move on. Don't make propositions like you know how I feel. This is not easy. If you're only feeling bad for me, don't be. I did this to myself. I regret all the bad things I've done to you and that's all we need to address."

We both kept our mouths shut and our eyes were set on the wet road the next second. Over the next minutes, people shuffled behind us, talking in hushed voices, all of them waiting for a ride to come so they could go.

I didn't leave yet. Soohyun didn't ask why I was still there when I could have been already driving home.

"Let's act like we don't know each other starting today," she suddenly told me after her silence, her voice uneven.

I had no choice but to give her what she wanted and respect her decision even though it was adding more heft of guilt on me. "Okay," I answered.

We watched the rain pour that night. Neither of us talked after that. But the stilted awkwardness and silence between the two of us overpowered the noise of heavy rainfall. I couldn't say anything to make her feel okay. Where did I go wrong? I didn't even know where to start.

》AUTHOR'S NOTE《

i know this is lacking but i haven't written something for months so forgive me hehe thank u for those who still wait for tat updates :") i'm v v grateful mwah 9K reads whutt

 take care of yourselves lovelies <3 

-- lynn 🌼