The Secrets That Save Us

Chapter 1

I slam my front door behind me as I enter my empty apartment.

I've become accustomed to the dark loneliness that engulfs me the second I walk into this place. Good thing I don't mind the quiet.

I reach for the bottle of whiskey sitting on my counter top and let the amber liquid burn my throat as I try to drown my sorrows. Not that it ever works.

I come from a big family, a loving Mom and Dad, two brothers and two sisters, yet I've never felt more alone in this fucking world.

I'm pretty sure my whole family hates me, they couldn't hate me anymore than I hate myself though.

My youngest sister has just told my family her biggest secret, she was raped two years ago and it was all my fault because I decided to throw a stupid fucking party, at our stupid fucking house, because I'm a stupid fucking person.

I just had to prove that I couldn't give a fuck about the rules. Mom and Dad were away so I threw a rager. Unfortunately that ended up changing Grace's life for the worst.

She's spent the last two years a depressed mess, her boyfriend (who wasn't her boyfriend then but may as well have been) ended up getting sent to a detention centre because he beat the guy to a pulp, because I didn't get to him in time to do it myself. And then she went and tried to kill herself.

Save to say it's been one fuck up after another my life so far.

I'm glad Grace has got that weight off her chest and I hope it sets her free from the ordeal.

But I also hate the fact that my family now know what a piece of shit I truly am.

I'm about to take another swig when I hear a knock at my door.

I get up from my slumped position on the dark oak floor and grumble about whoever's interrupting my self loathing party I've got going on.

I roll my eyes and let out a "For fuck sake" as I turn back around and throw myself into a heap on my sofa, leaving the front door open once I seen who was there.

"Well hello to you too grumpy pants." Joey remarks as he makes his way into my apartment and sits on the brown leather armchair beside my sofa. He places his feet on my wooden coffee table and I raise a brow at him before he scrambles to take them back off.

"What do you want Joe? It's 1am." I ask as I take that drink of whiskey I was trying to earlier. I need the burn to numb some of the shame riddling my conscience right now.

"I came to see how you are" he watches me captiously before reaching out his arm and grabbing the bottle of booze from my hand and placing it on the floor on the side of his armchair away from me.

"I'm dandy. Now can I have my drink back and will you leave?" I ask with an over exaggerated smile.

He rubs his hand over his face and only then do I look at him and notice how worn he looks.

His dark blonde hair is messy and flopping over his forehead as if he's been running his hands through it none stop. A nervous habit all us Anderson's share I think.

His blue eyes are rimmed red, either through exhaustion or crying, or both.

His white Tshirt and black jogging bottoms are crumpled as well. Looks like we've all had a rough night.

"Last time I ignored one of my siblings having a downward spiral she tried to kill herself - not doing that again." Joey announces as he makes himself comfortable in my armchair, "we're gonna talk this out brother."

"You're definitely gonna have to give me my whiskey back then."

He takes a swig then hands me the bottle back, I follow his actions then pass the bottle to him again. It goes back and forth like this for a while before I decide he's here, I might as well talk to him.

"I should have protected her Joe. I shouldn't have threw that fucking party."

Joey looks at me with sympathy, "You didn't do this to her. The person who did got a small dose of karma for what he did. All we can do now is be there for Grace and support her."

"I can't help but think-" I'm cut off by someone else banging at my door.
"I've lived her for two fucking years and had more visitors in one night than that whole time I think." I mumble as I open my door.

I square my shoulders and ready myself for round two when I see my other brother at my door. He rolls his eyes as he walks past me into my apartment holding a case of beer in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other, "Calm yourself down Rambo, I'm here to make peace."

"I always say love not war." Joey tells us as I join them both back in the living area.

Parker grabs 3 glasses then sits on the other end of my sofa. He rubs his hand over his face roughly before pouring us each a whiskey and opening 3 beers and handing us our drinks.

We sip our beers in silence before Parker speaks up, "I'm sorry I hit you man. It's not your fault and I don't want you thinking it is. I just- I dunno, I need to blame someone, I'm so fucking angry." He shifts in his seat uncomfortably, likely restless from the same rage I know all too well buzzing through him.

I clink my bottle against his in sign of accepting his apology.

He lets out a humourless laugh, "Who would have thought shithead would come through?" He shakes his head in disbelief at the thought of Hunter, the kid who grew up next door to us and has been madly in love with our baby-sister for years, giving that rapist fuck a beating so good he needed plastic surgery.

We're all silent again for a while, reflecting on what's happened.

"How do we get past this?" Joey asks.

"I guess we just have to. It happened to Grace and she's moving on. We have to too." Parker says, although his face portrays just how difficult thats going to be.

"Well boys, I think for tonight drowning our sorrows with alcohol sounds like a good idea." I say as I pour the glass of JD down with them both following suit.