flicker of hope [ziall]

16~nobody is listening

It's been just over a week since the boys told me I'm actually just insane. I've been trying my hardest to accept it, but it's really hard. Everything felt so real. I've started talking to the boys somewhat normally again, but I'm still very short and vague with them. I also snap at them constantly. I can see that it hurts them, but maybe they should have thought about that before lying to me for 9 months straight. Liam's been a bit strange around me since I caught him with Louis's underwear. He always looks really nervous around me. I'll have to ask Louis in the future if he knows anything about it.

Harry had the audacity to suggest going on a date yesterday. As if I'm ready for that. The other person would just think I'm insane and leave immediately anyways. I guess I'm a bit more open to it now knowing that I probably just made up that Niall was my soulmate. I thought I would never find another person because of that. But if he really isn't, then maybe I'll get over him in the future and find someone else.

I'm supposed to be at therapy right now, but I really hate it so I ran off before my Mum could come and force me over. You'd think a therapist would help you, but I swear, mine just makes my blood boil. She treats me like I'm mental, which may be true, but still!

I sighed as I walked past the carved cherry blossom tree again. I grazed my hand across the initials before heading off towards town again. While going on walks reminds me a bit too much of Niall at times, it also helps me clear my head a bit.

I haven't been to the town square since I gave that busker my shoes, but I decided to head over again today. There was still snow on the ground, but it was about 2 inches deeper than last time since we just had a light dusting a couple of days ago. I was wearing the white Supras I had bought. Louis cried when he saw me wear these. You never know with Louis. Some days he'll seem more affected by the death than me, and then other days he will continue living as if Niall had never existed in the first place.

I smiled as I heard faint music coming from the memorial statue again. I wonder if it's the same busker. My thoughts were confirmed as I got closer and I saw the ragged boy strumming his heart out, wearing the doc martens I had given him just last week. He was playing Love Story by Taylor Swift. I'll have to tell Louis about this later. The busker looked much cleaner today, as if he showered recently. He was also wearing a clean puffy green jacket and a pair of black skinny jeans. I'm glad he was able to get better clothes. It's funny how he looks like he's singing his heart out even though the park is pretty much desolate at the moment. Maybe he should relocate to somewhere a bit busier if he wants to make better money.

I walked straight up to him and pulled out my wallet to give him money. But before I got the chance, the boy abruptly stopped his strumming to stare at me. He lit up like a boy on his birthday at my presence.

"It's you again! Shoes boy!" the busker grinned as I walked closer.

"Yeah" I chuckled. "My name's Zayn though"

"Zen? That's a sick name mate!"

"No, Zayn. Like Z-A-Y-N" I explained. Most people don't get my name right, especially with my accent.

"Zayn? That's even cooler! I think I've heard that name before actually, but with an I instead of a Y" the busker pondered. I tried not to get caught up with what he said. I've met a few other Zain's before so it's not like it's uncommon.

"Yeah. I'm in a famous boy band, remember?"

"Right, yeah, One Direction, is it?" the busker asked

"That's right. How'd you know?" I asked. I hadn't expected him to actually know since he seemed so clueless earlier.

"I didn't. The name just popped in my head to be honest" the busker shrugged. I raised my brow at him but I brushed it aside.

"What's your name?" I asked. I guess part of me wanted to know if he was secretly related to Niall or something. He was so similar but different to Niall at the same time.