How I Became A Socialite

Who Am I?

I don't really remember my childhood. I rember it. I remember the moments, the birthdays, the clothing, the houses, and the people. 

I don't remember the way it was. The way it was to be somebody different. 

At core I don't remember Georgianna. Her life was like reading a book. You know how the character feels and how the character is... but they aren't you. No matter how strong you invision or pretend to be them.

When I was younger and was just becoming Emma I felt like I was playing a game or dressing up. I enjoyed it in some ways. I got to be somebody I was not. Isn't that everybodys dream?

'I am not Georgianna, I am Emma,' some of the goverment officials used to make me repeat. It was a game to help me not slip up. I still felt like Georgianna then. I felt like the daughter of a business man and a socialite. I felt like the little girl who would dance and make the adults laugh at parties. 

I felt like me. Just me.

It was odd the first couple of months. My mother made me pretend to be Emma even while we were alone. Wesley settled in with his adoptive family. They knew the truth about everything and they abided by my mother's rules. Sometimes Wesley and I would go down to the lake and just be Georgianna and Wesley. He stilled called me Georgianna sometimes... but then it wore off.

We felt like them. Just them.

A person is not who they are born as but who they are living as. After a while I was just Emma. The new girl in Porton. I found it hard to make friends. Its hard to be close with somebody when you can't be completely honest and whole with them. After a while it wore off. I was just Emma and not all Georgie. 

I made up this past for Emma in my head. The government had made us practice. We learnt random details like "My third birthday was at a roller rink" or "My mother's father used to sing Yankee Doodle in the car." The first one was false, I had spent my third birthday in Paris. The second one was true. You begin to daydream about your characters and personalities in the begining. You lie in bed and think about what Emma would do. On the rare occasions that my mother and I spoke about the past... we spoke about being Emma. 

That lasted... until I became Emma.

Its odd for me to think about "being Emma" as "I am Emma." 

It was different for Welsey. He got to keep his name and story, save a couple of details and names. He was still Wesley. That did not mean it was any easier. Although I was displaced in the world. I still had my mother and she made up for that. Welsey's mother was in prison and his father was dead. He was with a new family and he was in a new world. Although he always had me. 

As children Wesley and I were close but that bore no resemblance to the relationship we had after the ordeal. We were bonded. We were in very similr situations and we knew each others pain in the ways only a peer could. In school we didn't really stick together. Wesley grew into those hotshots "cooler than thou" type and I was one of those popular girls without a real group. I remember being lonely. I remember always being able to go to Wesley. 

He was my foundation.

(BREAK)

After my mother left I used to sit alone in that house and just cry. I wanted nothing more than to be me. I didn't want to be Emma or Georgianna or anybody. Wesley tried to comfort me but I couldn't do it. I couldn't be there anymore. So I just buried myself school and Daniel. I cut off ties with my old life and just moved on. 

Daniel was like a breath of fresh air. He was the type of guy Georgianna would have married. I imagine they would have eloped.

Daniel was so oblivious. Absolutely adorably oblivious to the world around him. His life was like a daydream and I liked being his girlfriend.

My mother warned me about getting involved with people of status. She warned me about mingling Emma's life with that of Georgianna's. 

I didn't listen. 

(BREAK)

My father was kind and gentle but also strong. This is what my mother tells me. After somebody is gone from you for a while you forget who they were. You remember things and memories but you can never grasp them or the feeling you had with them. You could write it on a page but never be there. The smoke is making it hazy.

My father was a business man. A good one too. If the rumors and allegations hadn't started I would still be Georgianna. 

I can imagine being her again. I would have married somebody like Daniel, maybe even Daniel himself. We would have eloped.

I wonder what she would have been like in the personality sense. I can imagine her being a bit  crazy in the fun type of way. She would have pulled pranks and been kind of kooky. I can imagine her becoming a philanthropist and helping others. She would have been a great person. 

(BREAK) 

My father was a business man. My name was Georgianna. My mother was the grace of society. My family was happy and perfect. 

And who was I? I was an up and coming socialite. And now I am going to be a socialite once more.

Author's Note: I decided to write a chapter with Emma's musings on her past and present and who she is. I imagine her being a bit emotonally withdrawn. The writing style I chose with this story was supposed to reflect her emotional state. She is normal but she is definately "off" in some ways. 

Poem/Riddle/Hint

Lover draw to me.

For money is not all I see.

The riches are beyond compare.

But so is your lovely hair.