𝐖𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐝𝐚𝐝 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 | 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

Requested by: "twdg_iloveit" Thank you so much for requesting and I hope you enjoy!!

Really Angsty Ya'll so grab ya tissues.

Trigger Warning: Self Harm, and Attempted Suicide.

Alex's POV

I scanned my dark, and depressing office. It's where I spent a majority of my time, working. I walked up, and peered through my office window, at the silent rode outside of the building. I exhaled in disbelief of what my life has come to. I had lost my reputation, my good name. Along with my poor innocent, boy Phillip. And Eliza's love and Trust in me.

I couldn't believe it was all gone, I'm a horrible parent. I have hurt so many people, If I hadn't started my 'revolution' John Laurens would still have his life. I popped the cap off of the tequila bottle I bought, thinking these thoughts. Didn't even bother to retrieve a cup. I pressed my lips to the opening of the bottle, and straight up drunk the strong alcohol.

Like all people, I believed I could drink my dreadful sorrows away. The alcohol made me livid, towards myself. Once I chugged down half of the container, I placed it on my desk. I wiped the access of the drink, from my mouth. I finally let the tears roll down my cheeks, I let out a horrid painful cry for everything I have lost. I roughly pulled at my long, brown, locks, doing so.

In my drunken anger and carelessness, I threw a punch to the wall. I yelled from the agonizing pain, my knuckle bone had snapped. I pulled my knuckle back, and quickly turned the lights on, and examined it. Bruises formed around the broken bones. I groaned, and took another large gulp of Tequila. I shook my head, attempting to focus my vision.

I then threw the tequila bottle at the wall, It shattered all over the floor. I shouted, and dropped to my knees on the floor. All these happy memories rushed into my head. Memories such as. Phillip's first steps, The first time I held him at the hospital. The day I noticed Eliza, at the Winters ball. The time I met my four bestfriends, at that bar.

I fucked everything up, horribly. I remembered the breathtaking smile, Eliza would give me. Then it came to realization.... what's the point in living anymore? What's the point, if Eliza would never smile at me the same way again? If Phillip would never come home from school, and tell me about his day?

No one would miss me, if I did take my own life. I would be with Phillip and Lauren's again. I'd be free from all the terrible decisions I've done. Another way of tears, then I had made up my mind.

Alexander Hamilton would commit suicide. I had found a rope, in the office. I tied it to the fan, in my office. And wrote a note to whoever, would find my body.

A/N I didn't really know when to write it, so I did today's date.

May 25, 2021

Dear whoever finds me:

I'm terribly sorry you found me, I have taken my own life. Please tell My wife, Eliza, that I love her so much, more than anything. And that I'm horribly sorry, about our marriage, also for my poor decisions I have made.

Sincerely,

A. Ham

I signed my name at the bottom, with a shakey breath. I placed the note on my desk, I dragged a chair under the rope, that was dangling from the fan. I wrapped the rope firmly around my neck. Once I knew the rope was secure, I took one last breath. Shut my eyes, then.... I leaped from the chair, and slowly choked. The door flung open.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ALEXANDER!" Washington bolted over to me, and untied the rope from the fan. I dropped to the ground. I took a deep breath of oxygen, and coughed before I spoke.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE! LIFE WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT ME!" I screamed, while I sobbed. He glanced at me fearfully. I then took a peice of the shattered glass from the Tequila bottle. Washington must have known my next move, he snatched the glass out of my hands. And threw it away from us, he attempted to wrap his arms around me. I immediately flinched back.

"PLEASE! DON'T TOUCH ME!" I stepped away from him, and into a dark corner. He put his hands up, in a surrender motion.

"Okay see... I'm not going to touch you." He stayed where he was.
"Why would you try, to do that Alexander? I saw genuine worry, in the generals eyes.

"IT HURTS!" I cried out. "I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP. I LET MY SON DIE, HE'S DEAD AND ITS ALL MY FAULT! I CHEATED ON MY WIFE" I began to hyperventilate and, I pulled on my hair once more.

"Hey it's okay, its okay, your okay." He gently reassured.
"Its not your fault Alexander, Please stop pulling on your hair." He asked kindly. While glancing at him, I slowly lowered my hands from my head.

"Good... thank you very much." He retorted.
"Can I have a hug?" He opened his arms. I quickly took the invitation. I was shaking, from fear. That I actually attempted to murder myself.

"Please don't ever do that again Alexander, don't scare me like that." I nodded in understanding, into his shoulder.
"Everything will get better Alexander, I promise." He mumbled. He noticed by crushed knuckles, then he took a look at them.
"We need to go to a doctor, to wrap them."

"O-okay." I stuttered.

"You'll be okay I promise." He glanced down at me. I smiled, with my red nose, and puffed up eyes from all crying. Someone actually showed me kindness, after all the shit I have done, I know don't deserve it.

A/N I don't know if ya'll cried from this. But this one was really sad for me to write. But I hoped you did enjoy!!

Le Author 🌻