Fan Behavior (Georgenotfound)

Twelve: "I'm just enjoying the moment" - October 8

The boys' plot stream could not have come at a time that was both completely convenient and incredibly inconvenient.

Lilac found herself alone in the afternoon. The boys were all in their rooms in the middle of a stream that was, as Clay put it, "incredibly important to the story". She was well aware of how much this story meant to everyone who was part of it, so she had cheered them all on before they started streaming and sent them on their way, not wanting to be a distraction.

What she meant, though, by the convenient/inconvenient dichotomy was that she was alone with her thoughts. This was good, because it gave her time to sort out her brain properly this time and figure things out. But this was also bad, because it gave her time to sort out her brain properly this time and figure things out. Now she had no excuse to not do that.

So Lilac, accompanied only by the background noise in her headphones and her full brain, started cooking.

George's stream two days ago had really stoked the fire under her. It wasn't until she watched him throw his heart into those mozzarella sticks that she realized how much she missed having a full kitchen at her disposal. So, after she'd sent the boys off to stream, she went out to the grocery store to get the ingredients she needed. She wasn't going to tackle a three-course meal, but she planned to make lemon chicken capellini as the main course. Lilac hadn't planned to do any baking, but in the time she walked into the baking aisle and then walked out of it, she'd gathered enough ingredients for orange shortbread cupcakes. Clearly, she was in the mood for fruit-flavored food.

On the way home, she played music just loudly enough to block out an active chain of thought. She was mentally preparing to do all of her thinking when she started to cook, so she used the drive to relax. She made a promise to herself: no running away. She'd let every thought that came to mind exist without combating the ones she didn't like. She would be honest with herself.

And if Lilac was one thing, it was true to her word, even if the only person to keep her accountable was herself. She settled into cooking as soon as she returned, setting out the ingredients, putting on her headphones, and washing her hands. She whistled as she worked, cutting up the chicken into a bowl and adding her own touches to the recipe she was following. Once she had set the seasoned chicken aside and got the spaghetti on the fire, the thoughts were flowing freely. She let them pass through without disturbance.

'I'm so glad I did this, so glad I'm here' was a thought that came up often. She hadn't had any doubts about her presence; the boys made her feel like she was truly welcome, like she belonged there. It would honestly be a bit odd not being with them when she had to leave...

Tomorrow. Lilac shocked herself with that thought, pausing with the parsley shaker still in her hand. She finished seasoning the boiling water to consider that, slowly shaking the rest of the parsley in and adding some basil for flair. She was leaving tomorrow- the end of the trip had come upon her without any notice. She and George were both leaving at the same time, actually. This time tomorrow, she would be almost home on her drive. Tomorrow would be the last time for a long time that she'd hear Clay's wheezing or Sap's giggling in person. Or...

George, her brain finally thought. There it was. Lilac knew it was coming. She didn't immediately start dissecting the thought; she let her brain ramble for a bit, just to see what it would say if she let it go.

I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss his ridiculous shrieks and screams, his heartwarming smiles, his unnecessary and unwavering kindness. Ooh, unnecessary? What did that mean, Lilac wondered. She let her brain wander a little more as she fetched a pan to brown the chicken.

He has no obligation to be so kind to me. As far as he was concerned at the beginning of this week, I was probably just 'the cooler Sapnap', someone who was vaguely a friend. Perhaps that last part wasn't completely true. Lilac and George were legitimately friends, not vaguely friends, before this visit- she knew that (second-guessed it often, but she'd gotten better at ignoring the negative voice in her head). But this week had solidified their relationship.