Lovesick Monster

Blurry Eyes

I couldn't sleep. Not when it had been almost an hour since Yeoni left and still I hadn't heard any news from him, or Sana, or Dara... Or anyone else from the IPG. Not when everything was still up in the air.

I always preferred certainty and security, probably because I always had so much doubt about everything initially. I had only learned to become more adventurous after I knew the other three girls.

Lisa was wild and naughty by default, but she helped me to see how there was so much more to life than just staying put and following orders. She taught me how to just enjoy life and that it's okay to be a little crazy every now and then.

Rosé was always the smart one. She taught me how to use my charms and wit to get what I deserved, how to enjoy the luxuries afforded to me by my fame and my work over the decade as a K-pop idol, and not to feel burdened by it.

And Jennie... Jennie taught me English so well. I smiled. No, not just that. She taught me to trust in myself and to be more confident, to never be ashamed of who I am, and to follow my dreams. But me? I was timid, reserved, and would always try to find the safest way possible when navigating life's many obstacles.

But, come to think about it, all that I had experienced these past few months... Few years even... These mistreatments from the bosses I experienced, everything was caused by my decision to follow what the girls have taught me for the past 10 years.

I did not follow orders blindly, just like what Lisa taught me to do. I wanted myself to be treated based on my achievements as a Blackpink member, not by what I did or did not do for the bosses, just like what Rosé taught me to do. And I refused the bosses because I stayed true to who I was, just like what Jennie taught me to be. But what had that given me? Troubles. And worst of all, I had involved my brother in all this too.

I sat there on my bed, staring blankly to the wall. I turned to see Jennie, who was sound asleep, mouth agape, snoring lightly. I smiled. She looked so cute. No wonder Yeoni fell for her. But did Jennie really love him? I knew Jennie was bisexual, but I always thought that she preferred girls more than boys for a serious relationship. And what about her and Irene? I should ask her after all of this is done.

I checked my phones, both the Nokia from IPG and my own iPhone. Still no news. I grunted. What was happening to them? Had Yeoni reached Dara on time? Was he with Sana and Suzy now? Would the bosses agree to their demands? How would that affect Blackpink though...

I started to feel anxious again. I closed my eyes, trying to push all the bad thoughts away, but they stayed there. Should I go outside? Should I have some drinks? Should I just call Yeoni now and ask him how he was doing?

"Unnie–"

I heard Jennie call me. Her voice was croaky, her eyes still closed. Did I wake her up? I stood up, poured a cup of water, and offered it to her. She sat up, took it and drank.

"Can't sleep?" she asked me, staring at me with her sleepy eyes.
"Jendeukie... Go back to sleep. Don't worry about me," I said softly.
"Are you alright?" she asked again, rubbing her eyes. She reached to hug me. I always appreciated her care. I smiled and hugged back.
"I'm fine, Jen... Go sleep."
"Where's YeongYeong? Is he meeting Dara-sunbaenim again?" she asked, looking at me.
"Yes. He left an hour ago," I said.
"He's not back yet?"

I shook my head.