Star and its darkness (Book 1 in the Darkness&Brightness series)

56. Deja vu

I started living and experiencing what real life looked like and what happiness meant. Yeah, maybe I was happy while my mother was alive, but I forgot how it looked like. How it looks like to be happy. It's been too long without her so I kinda forgot how that is supposed to feel, to be happy. But with him I experienced it. He showed me, he brought it back to me, that glimpse of happiness. And I don't want it to be taken away from me when I finally started living after two... three years. See, I'm still not used to that I'm 17, and that more time passed since she left me.

I hope, I really hope it won't be over, but I know that happy things don't last long. But I hope this time they'll make an exception for this poor girl who's been through hell.

"Tell me what happened." This sentence was left in the air while I was thinking about him and I. Us. Now I again feel like we aren't two broken souls, but two broken strangers, like it was at the beginning. We tried to heal each other, but will we really succeed in that?

I sigh, before answering, not realizing the pressure on my chest. "I don't know, Chloe." I sigh again, trying to inhale and let the air clear my mind full of stress and questions with no answers.

"Oh", she says. "Did he h-hurt you?"

"No! Not physically at least. But he told me some things that hurt me more than a physical punch can do and I'm overthinking about our relationship and I'm wondering can we overcome our demons. It looks like they united against us and want to break us, to tear us apart. "

"Was he upset or something?" I feel some noise from the other side, but then it stops. "Sorry I'm trying to do my makeup", she chuckles and I realized that must be some product falling from her small hands. I try to imagine her balancing the phone and mascara. Why she don't just put me on speaker as normal people do? But, I guess she doesn't want, so I brush this question off.

"Goin' somewhere?"

"They asked me to go to lunch with them."

"Oh, how selfish I am!" I slap my forehead with my hand. "I didn't ask you! Tell me, how is it?", I ask, forgetting about Michael for a second, curiosity and excitement clear in my voice as well as coursing through my body.

"Um, good." I just know that she's looking at the floor, bowing her head, and tucking her blonde hair behind her ear even though I can't see her. "They're nice. For now", she adds. "I'm scared that they're gonna do something bad, you know..."

If you are wondering what we are talking about, it's the part that I just now realized I missed mentioning. Though I think that you don't care that much about my little blonde friend, and what exactly you want to know is what has happened to Michael, though at that moment I didn't know that anything happened to him. Though, you should care about Chloe, because she's been through much and deserves a world. But, I don't judge you for neglecting her in this story where the main characters are obviously Michael and
I, because I neglected her as well.

I was again selfish and I ignored my best friend who cares for me so much. I ignored her because I was so blinded by the manipulative guy who made me live even though for a while, when he repaired my heart, just before he broke it again. I was so busy running to the person who obviously didn't care for me and didn't want me in his life, yet he person who does I put aside in order to try to do the impossible thing. To help someone when clearly they don't want to be helped.

I not only neglected Chloe, but other people around me whose love I couldn't see because I wanted to believe so freaking much that the person with whom I fell in love, shared the same feelings as I when I was aware that he didn't, but I didn't have the heart to break my own self, so I kept pretending that he might have cared.