Under the Night Sky

Chapter 31

"It's ready, right?" Meredith wondered aloud. "It's okay-?"

"Ugh, yeah, sure, if the birthday boy is five years old," Cristina quipped, her eyebrow raised skeptically as she took in the balloons, shiny aliens and flying saucers. They had emptied her whole storage room and the attic. "Which would mean you've committed a statutory rape night after night- or night and day more like-"

Meredith only shrugged off smugly. "Anyway, who did you invite?"

"There was a specific list?" snorted Cristina. "I've just spread the word."

"Spreading the word is fine but I don't want any trouble," sighed Meredith. "D'you know if Alex wants to come?"

"Probably, you think he ever missed an occasion to fish for free beer?" she laughed. "Don't worry about your boy, I doubt Shepherd will mind. He's probably grateful for that nosebleed, it got you babysitting him and ultimately screwing him."

Meredith shrugged with a lazy self-satisfied smile on her lips. "Whatever."

"Or maybe- it's more than just screwing-?" Cristina trailed off questioningly.

"Maybe," Meredith said non-commitally.

Her best friend froze in her tracks, grabbing her arm. "Mer-" she whispered, her head moving gently from side to side as though in a disapproving shake.

"What?" Meredith tried to ignore the expression on her face and keep the level of her nervousness under control. She was only this close from losing it all.

"You know what, Mer," Cristina kept her gaze steadily at her. "It's getting serious-"

"I don't harp on you and Owen-"

"Owen's moving to Rachel," Cristina cut her off swiftly, keeping her voice as quiet as possible. "Derek isn't. I just don't want to see you hurt, I don't want to get your hopes up."

"I am not," Meredith rolled her eyes laughing. "If anyone has unrealistic expectations, it's Derek. I'm barely giving him anything."

"So let me get this straight- You're giggly and- all head over heels- and then he goes back to New York and it's over?"

"Pretty much," shrugged Meredith.

"Mer, are you listening to yourself?" Cristina's voice was a mixture of pity, impatience and worry. "You think you can invest your feelings and then just switch them off like that?"

"No, I don't," Meredith answered calmly, surprising her best friend. "I know I'm gonna miss him, a lot, more than I'd like to but-"

"But?"

"It's going to be hard- because-" Meredith gave out a little chuckle, "I grew to care for him in a way I thought I couldn't any more or- didn't know how to. But I can- and I'm truly grateful to him for proving me wrong."

"I don't think I'm gonna like what I hear next..."

"Whatever I had with Mitch," Meredith's voice was so low Cristina could barely hear it in the bustle around. "It was my first fully-fledged relationship, I was engaged, for god's sake! Or I thought I was- I don't want to go through it all again. That's why I know that even though seeing Derek leave will be hard, trying to build a long-term relationship with him would be even harder."

"Mer-"

"Don't," Meredith shook her head firmly. "I know what I'm saying. I would- I would be comparing Derek to Mitch- I would compare- everything- the words, the looks, the dates- Neither Derek nor I deserve that."

"McDreamy is not Mitch," Cristina sighed defeatedly. "He has the hair and all- but he's real."

"First, you didn't even know Mitch. Second, I don't really get you," Meredith laughed softly though her throat was burning slightly. "You were just haranguing me about Derek and now you're pushing me into him again?"