If Only I Knew

CHAPTER XIII

"How was your trip? Did you enjoy thoroughly?" I was on my way back home on a cab with Sarah. My head was throbbing since our flight was at 5 A.M. in the morning and let's just say that yesterday's night was not one of best nights of my life.

"Yes, Noah. I had a lot of fun and I just can't wait to be back home with Sam and you! I missed you both so much." Sarah raised her eyebrow in doubt as she looked at me through the corner of her eye, sitting besides me.

I paid no heed to her and disconnected the call. She knew I left the party with Will yesterday, she did! That was the only possible explanation for turning a blind eye on me.

She did not say a single word when she found me perched on the edge of the bed yesterday night once she returned. She barely glanced at me and quietly rushed to the bathroom, changed into her night suit tee and pajamas and went off to sleep.

I was expecting her to hover around my head, pestering and rebuking me while I made the most unrealistic excuses in order to not experience her wrath.

We did not mutter a single word to each other since morning except for the should-I-help-you-with-your-luggage and should-I-carry-your-handbag's.

"Sarah." I whispered, not meaning for her to hear but she did nonetheless.

"I know where were you last night." She continued to look at the brown leather seat cover in front of her. "Or more specifically, with whom you were last night and no! I'm not angry—at all! It's just that you ditched me again last night; I looked for you everywhere but...but you just whoosed out him the first chance you got." She turned to look at me, the hurt quite apparent on her face, she continued- "You didn't even think it fit that you could at least text me and let me know about your whereabouts— I was worried sick!"

I was rendered speechless; Indeed I had acted like an irresponsible adult!

"You don't need to apologize, Brooke. You don't have to. Had I not wanted this all along— to sort out things between you both? I would be the the biggest hypocrite in the world to expect an apology from you. So, I'm cool!" Except she wasn't. I knew her well enough to know that it was going to take much more than a verbal apology to make upto her this time.

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"Mommm!!!" Sam hollered as he rushed to embrace me tightly.

"What are you doing here, Sam? Don't you have school today?"

"Typical mom! I asked his Principal to let him come home early today so he could spend time with his beautiful mother!" Noah said matter-of-factly.

I rolled my eyes at his cheesy comment and trudged to hold him in my arms. "I missed you, Noah." I really did.

'Oh, no, you didn't! You wish that you had more time with Will.'

My subconscious left no opportunity to torment me.

Noah let go of me and carried my belongings to our room. He was a soting husband and I felt terrible for having lied to him about my little get-away with Will yesterday's night. I decided against disclosing it to him— I was not yet ready to ruin the perfect little family that we had started to become; it was too precious for me.

"I'm so glad that you're back. Sam really didn't make it easy for me to handle him. I wonder if God gave this 'super power' to all moms! Needless to say, I really did enjoy the time I spent with him though."

I smiled at him and I was sure my face  looked pathetic right now. I could feel the beads of sweat working its way down from the back of my neck. I felt the immediate need to shower.

"Noah, I'm going to go shower. Could you please make coffee for me, honey?"

"Of course. Make yourself comfortable." He nodded his head and left immediately.

I entered the bathroom and as soon as I saw my reflection on the mirror, I could no longer look at myself the way I did before. I looked like a traitor— I didn't do anything wrong, did I? I just met an old friend of mine. There's nothing wrong with that.

Then why can't you tell it to your husband?

I knew that the question was legit. Even though nothing really happened between Will and I the other night, I couldn't mention it to Noah because I didn't want to disappoint him.

What would he think of me?

No, I couldn't tell him right away. Maybe I could slip this into one of our conversations months later but I couldn't do it right now.

I slipped out of my clothes and turned on the shower. I could feel the warm water hitting my shoulders and releasing the tension that they held for so long. After an amazing 15 minutes, I stepped out and wore my comfortable pajamas with tee.

"Here's your coffee." Noah said as he kept my favourite coffee mug on top of the dresser that we bought last year. I continued wiping my hair lightly with the towel when I felt his hands resting on my waist and his chin on my shoulder; his familiar warm breath on my upper neck. "I really missed you, Brooke."

I couldn't live with this unsettling feeling in my gut. I rested my hands on his, tracing their outline as I held them and freed myself from his embrace. "I met Will yesterday, Noah." I gathered the courage to look at him.

He stood there, stunned, his eyes glued to mine as if he were looking for some answers. He stepped back and looked at the wall behind me.

"But Noah, nothing happened between us, okay? We guys met and that's it, we chatted for a bit and then I went back to the hotel." I tried bridging the gap between us and placed my hand on his bicep. My reassuring words proved to be futile as he stepped further back and stormed out of the room.

I found myself standing alone yet once again, a tear drop falling down my cheek as I regretted the moment I opened my mouth. I don't know why but when he left, it felt like he was never coming back.