you just can't be replaced | unfinished + unedited

let it all out

TW: mention of r*pe and ab*se

*amys pov*

after a few minutes of an intense cuddle session, i convince jake that we should get up and meet the rest of the squad. "it's nearing lunch time and we haven't even made an appearance yet" i say chuckling lightly and getting up from the bed.
jake hops up behind me and stretches his neck attempting to crack it but failing. i turn towards him and smile and he smiles back to me "okay ames let's go" he smiles some more and opens the door for me leading us out into the small hallway between the living room and kitchen where there's a bathroom and another bedroom. "there the love birds are!" charles exclaims with way too much enthusiasm. the squad chuckles lightly as we make our way into the kitchen, holt raises the pitcher of coffee which indicates that he's offering us some, we nod and proceed to grab some mugs from the cabinet, we pour some coffee then add some cream and sugar and sit at the dinning room table. "you guys look like you got hit by a truck, respectfully" gina snickers out laughing. jake and i look at each other and let out a laugh. "well we got hit by multiple bottles of tequila so close enough" jake says chuckling and rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand. "you want waffles? ill make you guys waffles!" charles shoots up out of his chair like a rocket and rushes into the kitchen commencing the waffles as if it's his life long duty to fulfill.

shortly after demolishing boyle's waffles we head out to the living room where terry is sitting on a lazyboy eyeing at his sudoku. hitchcock and scully are sitting on one of the two couches watching the weekend news. jake and i make our way and sit on the second couch facing the tv in a diagonal angle. we chit chat here and there about last night and what we remember and dont remember when we hear the news station with some breaking news. "this just in...last night police ambushed Felix Forth, a thirty-four year old male who has been accused of rape and abuse towards nine girls in The Bronx. Sources say he has been fully convicted and will go on trial within the next week to determine the length of his sentence...this is ABC7NY coming at you with your latest updates later this afternoon" shortly after the broadcast ends, my breath becomes unsteady  and i feel my pulse getting thready, i glance over at everyone to see if anyone has noticed my discomfort, when my eyes reach jake's i can tell he knows something is up, he always knows. slightly ignoring his regard i quickly get up racing to the front door, the air in the house feels heavy and the squad is making me feel crowded. once im outside and i feel like im far away enough from the house so the squad won't hear me, i gasp for air placing my hand over my chest to somehow calm down my heart rate. walking slowly towards the small trail to get down to the beach i hear someone jogging behind me. "ames babe, im so sorry you had to hear that" he gets up in front of me causing me to stop walking and look at the ground. i sigh slightly, not at him, but just the thought of that disgusting man. i slowly look up at jake, seeing his soft caring brown eyes making my breathing calm down, i try and speak but the words just won't come out of my mouth, like my ability to speak has disappeared. after a few deep breaths words begin to flow out of my mouth. "i know i can't control what's on the news but its just, i know what those poor girls have been through, all nine of them. and its just, its making me spiral" i pause lightly brushing my hair out of my face from the beach wind making it all messy. "what if teddy has done this to more girls, what if those girls are alone and have no one to talk to, right now, he is a free man walking, he should not be, and i will not let him be one" i struggle to finish my sentence as my voice keeps breaking and tears begin to form in my eyes. jake looks at me and without saying a word he opens his arms and pulls me into a soft, yet tight hug. "ames, we will not let him walk, he will rot in jail till the end of time, i will not rest until he is" he places his hand on the back of my head and rubs his thumb against the back of my head softly. "when we get back, we can take your official statement, try and get some DNA if we can, and maybe more women will speak up, i won't let this go unnoticed, holt won't either" i nod with my head still against his chest. i lift my head up slightly and look into his eyes. "jake...im sorry you have to deal with all this, i feel like such a burden and i just-" he smiles lightly at me and kisses me, man he knows how to shut me up. "you're no burden ames, and im not just dealing with this as something i dread, im doing this because i love you, im doing this because you deserve the whole world and i will do anything to make sure your safe and happy, im here because i want to" he finishes his sentence with a slight smile still looking at me. i smile at him and kiss his cheek. "now come with me, i have an idea" he says kissing the top of my head, pulling away and started to walk but holding out his hand for me to grab it. i chuckle slightly grabbing his hand beginning to follow him "what do you mean you have an idea, where are we going?" i say chuckling while following him through the trail that leads to the beach. its a small private beach so its completely empty. we make our way up to the shore of the ocean and then jake stops, turns around and smiles. "we are here" he lifts his hands up and looks so proud. i look around in slight confusion. "babe, what the hell are we doing?" i say but i can't help myself  but laugh. " okay ames, on the count of three i want you to scream as loud as you can" he says smiling with enthusiasm. i let out a chuckle and then look at him with a slight look of confusion. "just scream, let it all out, the anger, the sadness, the pain, even the happiness, what ever you need, just scream it out" he says in a proud tone looking at me waiting for me to scream. "seriously?" i chuckle a little starting to get appealed to the idea. "only if you scream with me" i push his shoulder lightly. he smirks at me "oh really?" he clears his throat in preparation. "on the count of three just let it out, okay, trust me, you got this ames" he looks at me and we both smile like idiots, he counts to three and right after three, we screamed, we yelled like all hell, we screamed till we had no breath left, we screamed till we couldn't help but laugh. after screaming like maniacs i jump into his arms and he spins me around. "i love you ames" he smiles "i love you too jake" i smile back.

-jj