My Eating Disorder (COMPLETE)

I Know

I stepped on the scale and my weight went down...

Even though I binged it went down--

Strange.

I didn't question it at the time as relief filled me. I was so happy that day. Fast forward a few more days and I lost a bit more weight.

I've been seeing lots of YouTube videos on how to lose weight and about nutrition. I learned so much.

I didn't know a lot about nutrition, but I never believed that carbs or fats were bad. So many people told me that. All I thought about were the calories.

Calories are the things that make you gain weight. Calories are the factor that can make or break a weight loss journey. I can eat a Mcdonald's every day, but I would still lose weight if I stayed in a calorie deficit.

Fascinating huh? But imagine the pain. The pain of eating all that junk every day. The pain those horrible chemicals are doing to the body. The agonizing pain in my stomach-

Now I can check behind the labels and see the chemicals they add in... But do I care? Do I care about all those particles and junk in the food? No. As long as it's low-calorie I don't care.

-April 2

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I returned to school the next day and greeted all my friends. I noticed Havannah was present today and immediately went to her side. She was the one I was closest to out of everyone. Analise and I were friends for a while. Five years. She was one of the sweetest people I met.

"Hey," I said to Havannah.

"Hi," she replied with a broad smile.

It was lunch break at school. We just came out from honors math. We both disliked math so it didn't help that we were in the 'smart' class. I couldn't slack off though. If I get below a C, I'll get kicked out and returned to the normal class. My pride won't let me do that.

"How was your weekend?" Havannah asked. She had long brown hair and round cheeks.

We were standing near our group's bench. The rest were talking about who knows what.

"Fine," I said. It was true. I lost weight, I thought with some giddy.

Havannah hummed, "Well, my housemates got a dog a few days ago."

"Really?" I said, not much interested. My head felt a bit fuzzy. "Is it a cute little puppy?"

"Yeah! The breed is a beagle."

"Adorable," I muttered.

(I had no idea what a beagle looked like.)

I stood up, "Let's go walk."

My legs felt stiff.

"Wait up!" a voice said. I turned to see Lucy stumbling to get up from the bench. She reached us, going to my side. "So, what are we talking about?"

"Nothing much, just about dogs."

A smile that I knew all too well came to her face, "Well, I got some tea to spill."

"Tea? More like rumors," I said with a snort.

Lucy tsked while Havannah gave her an unsure glance, "What is it?"

"It's about Clara," she whispered. "She and Nathan broke up!"

Havannah and I glanced at each other. Nathan was in the same grade as us. A bulky popular boy. I didn't really care when I got the news, but they did -somewhat- act like they were in a relationship. No real kisses, but kisses on the cheeks and holding hands.

I turned towards Lucy, and slowly said, "That's not surprising...almost all high school relationships end in break-ups."

Lucy smacked me lightly, "Ugh, stop it you smart ass. This is supposed to be sad! Aren't you sad?"

"You don't even look upset either," I accused, pointing my finger at her.

"Is Clara okay?" Havannah cut in before Lucy could retort. Lucy's eyes seemed to brighten slightly.

"The thing is, she was the one to break up with him!"

We all stopped our walking. I felt my eyebrows raise. Clara was always a kind-hearted girl. For her to break up with someone...

"I didn't think Clara would ever have the guts to do that." I voiced out.

Havannah agreed, "I didn't think so too. She's such a people pleaser. She can't even hurt a fly."

Kind of like you, I thought absent-mindedly. I frowned. All my friends are nice, even Lucy, while I'm...

I'm the black sheep of the group.

"I never doubted her," Lucy said. My gaze focused back to her. "I'm glad she stood up for herself. I thought I needed to put everyone she met into fucking place."

It was obvious to everyone that Clara was beautiful. She had an hourglass figure and tamed curly hair. I secretly wanted to ask what she used since my hair was always unruly and oily. Boys always came to talk to her, but Clara always saw them as a potential friend, not a boyfriend. However, many people think boys only like Clara for her body and not her personality despite her being a literal ball of joy.

Lucy used to glare whenever someone brought up that her body was the only good thing about her.

"She's kind," Lucy snapped once to a group of freshmen girls, "unlike you fake ass b*tches who gossip about every pretty girl you see."

I now make sure to stay away from Lucy when she gets like that.

"Why though?" I asked. "Why did she break up with him?"

Lucy pursed her lips and muttered, "I...I don't know. She hasn't even told me."

Her best friend was left unspoken.

"Then we shouldn't keep asking why. If she doesn't want to tell us, that's fine, she shouldn't." Havannah said with a firm tone. I glanced at her. Maybe Havannah knew more than she let on.

"...Yeah," I said. "We should leave Clara alone. If she needs help, then we'll help her, but if she doesn't then we'll leave her be."

Havannah nodded, looking at Lucy. "You can't always be in her space."

Lucy's face scrunched up, "But I'm not in her space-"

I gave her a pointed look. We all knew she was lying.

Lucy gave a long-suffering sigh, "Whatever. I want to talk about something else. Oh! Have you guys seen Mrs. Taylor and Mr. Reyes sneaking out together afte-"

I shook my head as Lucy started to ramble. Havanah and I were never one for gossip, so we actively avoided it when we could, but hearing Lucy ramble was something we both put up with. As long as she wasn't bringing anybody down or hurting others.

Sooner or later, I thought about what I should have to eat later on. 

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A/N: Favorite movie?

I personally really like Disney and Pixar movies, so maybe Rapunzel and Inside out :)